Tegan Offline

and, my teacher has bene treating me like toatal you know what ever since school started. its broken down my selfesteem sooooooooooooooooooooooooooo much that i starved myself for 2 to 3 days and wouldnt eat hardly anything. i hate her!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! she just makes it worse for me and then she gave me all Fs in my grades and i just toatally broke down and said in my head, "schools taken over me, i cant do this anymore, 3 weeks i worked my butt off to get As and she gives me this? im a loser, i dont desearve any of this" so then i go up to her and ask her "are thse my grades?" "yep those are your grades thats why you should turn stuff in" i have hardky ANYTHING OUT! AND IM GETTING HIGH SCORES! i think shes deliberately doing this becuz it makes no sense!
i still have Fs in my grades and ive turned in an assingmen, still have an F in reading im sure, i just dont know what to do, my counceler is gonna talk to my mom about it and ask what she thinks cuz she thinks theres something wrong between my grades and that lady

also, my parents fought the same day that happened so i took my scissors, called myself a loser, cut my leg 3 times, made probley the biggest cut ive ever made with self harm before cuz i just counted to 30 wall i did it (didnt count all the way up to 30 though cuz i thought it was enough)
i didnt really see what i was doing cuz i looked the other way. i was shocked when i looked down. i kept wiping away the blood but it wouldnt stop, so i had to take a wod of toilet paper and press it against my ankle (i was wearing skinny jeans so it was easier to have it press against it) my parents didnt notice and we all went straight to bed after that and i took off the wod of TP off my leg and i lost some blood. now i have a cut that is most likely gonna scar (scarring doesnt bother me at all i like my scars) but it will take probley 2 to 3 months max just for it to fully heal. its impossible to not self harm, i wish i wouldnt have started again with the cutting last year cuz i went 8 months without it and then started again and didnt even know it was 8 months until i counted the months. now it just seems impossible

well okay so first of all my bestfriend that ive liked probley more than any other guy i ever have liked chose a rude girl over me, it really sucks cuz now hes blaming stuff on me for no reason!
like for an example, his friend likes me and wanted to ask me out but was afraid to and i was really nice to him and just said i like you as a friend, and thats all i told him, well Jeffrey had bene pushing me to get hooked up with someone cuz i guess he felt bad for me that i was single but i told him i wasnt really ready to be in a relationship inless if it was him and im not interested in anyone else (i was but i just dont feel like dating anyone right now!) i told him i like being single a lot and im happy to be single.its better than being in a relationshop with some people.
well then jeffreu found out about ariel wanting to date me so then he told me and was like "come on jocelynn youve gotta date ariel youve got to i dont want you to be alone" i said "well, i dont like him though" which is true. so then after that he goes back to ariel and keeps telling him to ask me out but he kept saying no and i think he told him that i donly liked him as a friend but he kept pushing him anyway. then hes like fine, you wanna be a pussy be a pussy. and shoved him in his chair and then came up to me and said "you know this is all your fault" i wasnt even apart of it! so then i keep asking jeffrey wahst wrong? "dont talk to me" jeffrey i care about you and i wanna know whats wrong "dont talk to me" and walks off. then i come up to him again and said you know what jeffrey? im sorry but i dont know what i did wrong, and i cant remember exactly what else i said but it was pretty much all good stuff i had said and then just said "you know what? talk to me when you want to cuz your not being a true friend right now and you really hurt my feelings" and i walked off, but thats only one thing that happened.

Hey whats up?????????

im not doing too well thats for sure ):

i's now drinking tea and buggin' you. =p
i love you.

*nods* my mum woke me up so im stalkering TH.
i love you

how is she? probably not going to be online much for a few days. really don't want to have to go into hospital again.
i love you.

She is? She's timing it to the exact MINUTE. Jeez.
I love you.

I wants it bacckkk. My mum is timing my meds to perfection, it's annoying me.
I love you.

My doctor told me to stop talking. =p
Humphhh.