NoHope1 Offline

Today is my older sisters birthday and so far I haven't felt like crap. Last night I cut her hair and she cut mine. Today we also had someone look at our shower cause it's screwed up. So we might be able to shoer again soon. Yay. This morning was kinda fun too. Ariel wanted me to wake up so she started jumping on me and yelling in my ear to wake up. It was pretty funny. I'm happy that I haven't been sad or mad today. Well that's it for this post.

I haven't ever felt so alone and far from my own family then now. Even though I can talk to them and interact with them something's just feel's off. I feel out of place, like I don't belong. I have a voice inside of my head now. The vocie is not myself but someone else. I have a cut on my wrist and note's in my diary I didn't do. I feel like a prisoner in my own body. My cat is knocked up. So maybe I won't be alone. I'll just become the crazy cat lady that never lived a full life. My new number adds up to 39. I don't know why nothing works. There's nothing I can do here. Why won't I just die? I noticed that my hands are also very shakey. I'm also twitching and all my dreams include me getting killed by myself or someone else. I also bruised my hand from hitting a wall. My birthday is in a few days and all I want to do is sleep or die. But my mum keeps bugging me about what food I want, what I want, who I want. I don't want anything or anyone. I learned a lesson basically saying I'm better off alone. I'm just gonna stop this post right now...

I finally got the feeling in my mouth back. I went to the dentis and got my fillings and half of my face went numb from the needles and laughing gas. But other than that today was no different then any other day.

Today was a depressing as hell kinda day. All I wanna do is curl up into a ball and die.

I had some fun the other day after grad at the dance. I can't wait for summer to really start up though. So I can maybe get my leg's to look like my ankles.

I had a lot of fun today. I hung out with Brennon and we hopped on a couple trains that weren't moving. He keeps wanting me to tell him something but I like to not tell people simple thing's to annoy them. He wants me to go down to his house on Friday but I'm really lazy. Also tomorrow is grad. I kinda don't wanna go to the dance but I have to. I bought my ticket. Well I gotta go byeeeeee.

Did my hair. It's was a very long process. The blue dyed my skin and floor more than my hair. But oh well not like I give that much a crap about grad.

I know. We woke up late and my nails took an hour to do. I will be at the one tomorrow. You only really need the one anyway. I got my hair dye. Yay.. We step to over $650 getting groceries. Kinda fun.

You missed rehearsal.

I'm not gonna be at school till maybe after 1st break, cause my mum said that when she's gonna try to get my nails done. Today was really boring. My sisters boyfriend got hit by a car. He didn't really care about himself maybe being hurt really bad, he was more worried about his board. I was walking in my heels today and my feet only started to kill at the end of the day. Oh and another thing. I'm a girl that likes food. And I love cake. Tomorrow I at first break I was gonna get cake. But I won't be there. I am really sad about that but right now I want to stay happy so I don't make other people depressed. Like when it was that end of the day and I was still in my heels and I went to get a drink and then as I was walking back to class I wobbled a bit and the whole class heard. All I did was laugh at myself. And sat back down. Well I gotta go.