NoHope1 Offline

I have to tell you something.

Yep. And I'm in fucking love.

You've just discovered Hot Topic?

I FOUND MY STORE!! I'M GETTING MARRIED TO IT!!! IT'S CALLED HOT TOPIC<3 <3 IT HAD SOME SHIRTS FROM MY ALL TIME FAVORITE BAND I GOT 2 AND I ALSO GOT NEW CHOKERS AND A MIRROR!!!!! Oh and I get a brand new phone. For free. Cause the place that fixed/screwed up my phone doesn't know what's wrong with it. So they're giving me a new one on Tuesday. Today I had a real smile. And anther thing... it may be nothing but before I got on the bus me and my mom we're waiting and then this creepy looking guy comes up close to me and asks me to smile for him. And then when we got on the bus he got on too and started to stare at me. Again it might be nothing but the dude who I don't know asked me to smile for him... Oh and I guess a guy on the bus saw my scars and he said " I see you got some scratches, you know you're loved, you know jesus? he loves you. you'll be okay". That was the nicest comment I have EVER gotten about my scars.

"We'll get it done today" "In a little bit" "I've had no sleep" I haven't slept in over 15 hours. We made plans last fucking week to get this done today. I woke you up every hour and asked you WHEN we were gonna go. I did not fucking say once " I wanna get my phone fixed hurry up BLAH BLAH BLAH! ". I said " Are we gonna go? What time are we gonna go? How will we get there? When would you like me to wake you up? ". But you know whatever. Not like I planned to do this with you. Not like plans with me matter anymore.

I feel like I'm high, out of my body and incapable to do really anything. I'm writing a book... It's about a girl who's life was okay. She could deal with the little problems she has, until she become's friends with someone new. They seem to be the bestest of friends until the girls life is turned around. Her life goes way down, and when she try's to get help from her friend her friend leave's her for dead. The girl goes through hell and ends up getting kidnaped. And she'll go through even more hell. Until she meet's someone she can count on. He helps her get out, and get better. He's gonna help her prove to everyone who ever left her feel like shit. I might not write the whole thing because I get writers block about a quarter of the way through all the time. Maybe this book wil help me get some hope or let me have my smile back. And not a fake smile. A real one..

I hate my life. I wish I was dead. Why am I am? Like I hate everything and everyone hates me. What the fuck is my purpose? Why the hell am I alive?

I went outside for the first time in a bit. And it wasn't oh I'll be back in like 10 minutes it was I was out for about an hour with people all around. Nothing bad has happened yet. Maybe this year will be better?

It's my birthday... I'm staying up all night so I can sleep away today. Every year something bad happens. I never know what it's gonna be. Only that it hurts a lot in the end. My head is pounding from the words he's trying to bring me down with. Well I gotta go.. bye?

Well fuck my life. I hate living. I hate pepole. I hate everything. Why does my head always play tricks on me? Making me feel fine one minute and then pissed or sad the next. I just wanna be happy and have a good life without feeling like I don't belong anywhere. Ughhhhhh