Hopeyyy Offline

Okay, so I just posted a bunch of old things that I had written and saved in my old email account.
So, some of that stuff is still going on and some of it is not..

well, hey it's summer and school has been out for about three weeks for me. It has been pretty boring at the most. I was on a missions trip last week, it was amazing. H U M B L E D ! Is the perfect word to describe it.

It also kept me out of the house..haha.

Well, it has been really hard controlling...

Things are getting better. I suppose.
I have Alan back.
I have Steph back.
I have no boy drama.
Single is all good.
I have God.
I have new friends.
Friends make me smile && laugh everyday.
Drama is going good. Great actually.
I have absolutly no problem in my life write now.
But something is still wrong. I don't know what it is. I can not pinpoint it.
But there is something, because I can't smile. I just can't laugh....

I remember when I used to laugh.
Now, I can't even break a smile.
I guess happiness has become my past.
My friends pass me by.
Oh, how I love each and every one of them.
I know I'm letting them down, but they can't see through the lie.
I told them I am a failure.
They either walk away or try to help.
But none can find the cure.
I guess I'm too far gone.
And I need a person.
But there was noone.
As I write everyone my final letter....

I don't want their order anymore.
I have had enough of trying to be perfect for such imperfect people.
I want them to realize that this world has so much more.
I know I may sound selfish, but they have to understand.
I need for them to see that MY world has no order.
My world is utter chaos where nothing is ever planned.
Ever since human beings walked this planet, there's always been mistakes.
Perfection can be a goal, but it will never be obtained.
...

.ExternalClass .ecxhmmessage P{padding:0px;}.ExternalClass body.ecxhmmessage{font-size:10pt;font-family:Tahoma;}Yesterday I lost my closest friend.
Yesterday I wanted time to end.
I wonder if my heart will ever mend.
I just let you slip away.
Maybe Ill never see you mile again.
Maybe you thought it was all pretend;
All these words I could never say
I just let them slip away.
Why don't you hear me,
When I am calling out (to you)
Why don't...