Ennui. Offline

I'm glad you liked it. What did you find interesting about it?

I'm just sleeping really, how are you today?

Really? How was that? It wasn't bad.

Dezmaid you're missing out on Cards Against Humanity.

you mean like have someone give me a word and then draw a person that comes to mind? yeah, maybe.

Your welcome Good to hear, my day was good thanks. Have you got anything planned over the weekend?

You are like at a very senior post. You should be able to control stuff.

I'm sorry. How was today?

Yes, I can remind you later.
I hope it goes well, I'm nervous about it but I know I need someone to listen to me. I like my counselor but since I wasn't so honest with her, I have to be honest with someone now.
I hope your school has as much help available as mine does and that you are able to access those resources.

Your issues could be related to school. I think mine partly are because I'm frustrated with the grades I get because I know I could do better I just try and I lose the energy to try and I almost fail because I just give up trying towards the end of the semester and my work is not what it could be. In the beginning I'm glad to be back at school but the challenge of academics just wears me out so fast because I get annoyed with myself so easily when I do not understand things and I am not the best at asking for help (though I'm slowly getting better at it). I just can't think of SH everyday and multiple times a day, that is not healthy and neither is how negative I am towards myself. I need to somehow accept my grades as they are and accept i'm trying my best but I feel like I need something to help me focus and to give me energy because I'm so exhausted I fall asleep while doing my homework and those times add up and then i'm rushed and when I'm rushed I get mad at myself and well it just spirals out of control I guess. In the summer my problem is I get really bored and depressed because I do not really have anything to do around here. One of my cousins suggested I help out with the Stop Domestic Violence hotline but I cannot do that because there is a twelve hour training course but the problem is each volunteer has to agree to six months of helping the hotline and i'm only home a few days under four months so that won't work. I think a lot of it too for me is that i really hate myself, it might surprise people to find that out but i hate myself and love others a lot more. It sounds weird but I would rather help others and risk my own well-being for them to be better off. But I'm to a point now where I know I need some help. I just do not know a counseling place that would take me only during part of the summer or just during summers. Plus it would be hard because how do I build a relationship with a counselor when I'm only here for two of the four breaks in the semester usually? i'm not sure. I'll talk to my doctor in a couple of weeks.
I hope you get the help you need in college. My college offers free counseling and they have a psychiatric nurse practitioner that visits once a month and the health center doctor can give out prescriptions if need be in low dosages until people can see the psychiatric nurse. I know this because I have a couple of friends that are on medication for different things. Obviously seeing the psychiatric nurse might cost money and getting the medicine might depending on your insurance but the counseling is free and that can help a lot on its own (or at least it helps me when I'm honest about things but I'm not always as honest as I should be but I've realized I can be).