Hey I wanted you to know that I understand what it is like to miss your molester. I was molested by my cousin and when she got caught we where separated. To be honest, I think that the separation and negativity other people placed was what hurt me the most. I didn't hate my cousin for giving me sexual pleasure, she didn't harm me in any way, but every one wanted me to hate her for what she did. The truth was, I just wanted to be back with her, and that made me feel ashamed of myself.

That is what is most important for me to get across to you: Please don't feel ashamed of yourself or how you feel, even if you enjoyed being molested. Bare with me:

One day I considered the question "do I really think what happened was bad or is that just what I learned from other people?" This is a question we never ask our selves because we are always bombarded with other people's ignorant opinions on sex. We are taught by primitive people to look at sex negatively and treat it as taboo, but the reality is that openness, information, and technology is of the utmost importance when it comes to sex. There seems to be more harm that come from the taboo then good.

When I began to consider that my non-traumatic sexual encounters might have been harmless, I realized that I don't deserve to be ashamed of how I feel. For the first time I knew that I had a right to define for myself what those sexual encounters meant to me, how I felt about, and whether or not I should think negatively about it.

It is Ironic that people attempt to protect you from having the will of others forced on you, but then they cause more harm then good by forcing their will upon you. It became abundantly clear to me that I was bound by the chains of belief systems other people shackled me with, that it was never my own choice to be depressed or a shamed, it was forced onto me by those who thought that their views where more accurate then my own.

Once I freed myself from these chains, all the negative feelings, the shame, and the hate, it started to disappear, and I started to be happy about my life. Being able to accept a sexual experience for what it is to me and not what it is to every one else has been fundamental in eliminated my grievances. I reflected on my sexual experiences without the negative feeling I once had and I realized that I wasn't traumatized by the experience until people had taught me that I should be.

You have a right to choose for yourself how you want to look at your experiences with sexual pleasure and no one has the right to decide that for you. If you think you might have enjoys an orgasm or sensual experience with your uncle, then there is no shame in that, it is a natural experience to have with a person. If you enjoyed being with your uncle, but didn't care about the molestation, then that is also your right. We should not allow other people to decide for us how we are to think and feel about any of our sexual encounters, with anyone, at any age. You be honest with your self, find who you are, and love who you are.