haha all are welcome

that's great.

.......and can i join the party lol

haha....well rereading my last message i realize how suddenly everythings gotten better in the course of one night
i got asked out by someone who really cares...and I haven't felt so good in ages.
so, I think I'm feeling a lil better, though I'm gonna miss them still, I realize now that this isn't the end for me, that I have hope and ppl out there who really care.
so yeah..... (*mini party inside my head* )

sorry I haven't been on in a while, I'm trying to feel better but its not working so now I'm back. Ive been so extremely suicidal and triggered lately, and Ive cried enough to water our whole town (which is going through a heat wave btw). I write the words "hold on" on my arm everyday and pray and just take some time to breathe. It hurts to breathe thats what sucks (emotionally not literally)
I miss matthew and I miss being loved and I miss being happy with Mimi and Matthew or any other person I've come to like or even love, but loves someone else...

I hope you're right, I hate hate hate still being here when I was so close....

I hope things are okay for you

u no i think thats the first time ive ever been called kiddo thanks lol. ive been good not really been up to much recently tho :/.

now i think u should definitly get that inhale exhale tat done, its sound advice .

as for the brother sister thing i can see wat u mean, it is hard and it wont ever be the same but from wat it sounds like u've got urself a life long friend. tbh, in my mind, they're probably better than having a partner anyway because no matter wat happens they'll b about .

i know life can be a real bitch sometimes, if not most, but there's always something better around the corner. always. u've just got to keep ur head above the water and get there so if u ever need a hand or just someone to talk to give me a shout ok :Hug:

just keep strong and i no things will get better 4 u.

that recording thing'll probably get u on the way to fame and fortune so dont forget about me a rich friend is a friend in deed eh

thanks, i have a friend who might help me do some recording and yeah youtube would be awesome if i ever get on there, Ill let you know
the words inhale exhale idk I'm a bit suicidal and when I get all caught up in it, one of my best friends always tells me to "just breath..inhale....exhale...ive got you...I'm here tay" :') that guy that weve been discussing...he says that. so the inhale exhale thing means a lot
speaking of him, yeah im trying to forget him but at the same time its just hard....we're in this sister-brother stage now but gosh its just...not the same. I cry so much and i just told him last night that I had cut again. Its hard i guess....i miss him.
i was this innocent shy gurl who loved life the way it was, and the past year i got sucked into the drama....horribly.
since weve talked, Ive seen my friends a lot, especially my best friend Kate and the guy (matthew), Ive been more suicidal than cutting, and Ive told 3 more people since weve talked. So I guess things aren't that much better, but Im trying to stay string.
hbu kiddo?

hey sorry it took so long to get back to you, just had alot going on recently. when i did my radio stint it was as a volenteer at a local station, im sure there must be something like that near u. u might not get paid but its something to add to a cv and its a great expirence and why not do a cover of something on utube i'd be glad to go and give it a listen .

the cross, infinity, anchor and dream catchers i can understand but why do you wan the words 'inhale exhale' there must be a story there .

and honestly it is his loss, how many smart and beautiful girls do u think there r in the world......not many and ur one of them so dont fret over it and yeah its alot of drama but thats just part of growing up.

that said until now ive managed to stay clear of it.....mostly :/

meh anyway waycha been up to since we last talked and hows everything been.

well thanks :/ everyone says that its his loss, but I know its mine too. Eh...drama :P
As to the job, Im only 14, but doing something for the radio would be amazing. Im also trying to see if my grandpa can get me into a recording studio, but thats not really a job persay. Id still like to get my voice heard
thanks I hope things get better.
for the tattoos, I actually want a lot but rather small ones.
I want a cross on my thumb, an infinity sign on one of my fingers, an anchor, a dream catcher, the words "inhale exhale" somewhere, and "stay strong" O, duh, and on my arm I want a birdcage with birds flying out

hey ur not invisible and ur most definitly not falwed nor fake ur perfect in ur own way and in the end if he cant c that he'll be the one missing out as for the job thing have u tried doing something in radio.

anyway i know things will get better for u in the end and wat sort of tattoo did u want done

haha well its not a real tattoo it says Keep Breathing i wish I had a real tattoo...have enuf scars to shake a stick at but no tattoos :P
all my friends already have jobs & I don't so I might get one soon (hopefully something along the lines of music.but probably just something stupidly generic).

I'm in a messed up nightmare of a life right now it seems. I just..I never feel good enough...like Ive said before...Matthew and Mimi left me so Im sorta alone wondering what the hell I ever did wrong, & why I couldntve been the perfect girl.For either of them I guess. him more. he's the one I'm so heartbroken over.
I always feel so invisible and flawed and fake...thats why I hurt myself. I'm never enough. Pains the only way I can feel love <^3 bleh