u k nothing about me now do u? she was my first love we both have problems with cutting n hurting r sels so back off about that cuz i have not cut in awhile but i can't get her out of my mind i just want to talk to her n see if we talk it out

What you do is not her responsibility, that's how. It's really unfair to blame someone else for something that you did.
I know it sucks and I know it hurts, but it does get easier.

how can I not balm her she was my first love n idk even k if she still has feeling for me or even loved me I was mad when I said that but I have been fighting the need to cut

I'm sorry, but I find that really inappropriate. Your actions are your responsibility and no one else's. Blaming someone else who you supposedly care about for you causing harm to yourself is wrong and hurtful.
I'm sorry.

if she does not care about me or what my feelings r than fine but when I cute n end up in the hospital that on her