I'm so glad I could help at all. And trust me, I think I do have an idea, reading your post made me feel a bit better.There are definitely a lot of outsider's out there, but I think you're right... none of us no how to interact with others so we can't get to know each other. I do have one other friend that I actually meant in the ninth grade when I just started to drift away and she is just like us so we always talk about killing ourselves and hating everyone else which helps so much and that's probably why I am still here. So I'm really, really lucky to have her but when I stopped pretending... basically I lost my friends. In all honesty I had been drifting away from them already just because I couldn't talk to them anymore but one day I actually just didn't even make an effort anymore and they got the hint. I only have one friend now but at least I can be real with her and it's just a lot easier. I think people stopped trying to be my friend after I stopped pretending because they were a bit scared by my depression :S but ya that's what happened... I lost my "friends". It wasn't bad at all really.

Nicole,

I just wanted to thank you so much for what you said. You have no idea how much it relieves me to know I'm not the only one with this particular issue. I always wondered, if I'm such an outsider, then why can't I find any other outsiders to make friends with? Then it occurred to me that maybe it's because a lot of other people have this problem, and they don't know how to make new friends, either. So maybe there's a lot more people like this than I can see. My question for you is, how did people react once you stopped pretending? Thanks again.

hey.
I wanted to be more personal than responding to your post about being a freak... but I had to say that I feel the exact same way. You literally took my fucked up thoughts and put them into words. I used to go to school every day and act. I had friends but they were from so long ago when I actually felt normal half the time. I've changed so much and it's been so long since I've made a new friend because I've lost my ability to interact normally with people. I want to die. It scares me... but a while ago I stopped pretending. I sometimes smile at those old friends. I couldn't pretend anymore and even just stopping that made me feel a bit relieved. Just wanted to let you know you are not alone.