I've been pretty off and on myself, I know what you mean abot not spending as much time on the computer.
I'm glad to hear you've been doing ok (: that's a good thing
And I think it's great you're trying to change yourself some, sometimes we need to do things like that to start to feel better about things or just make things seem a bit better in general

yeah i know i havent been on in months. ive been doing ok. ive been trying not to sit at the computer all day anymore. i go to a gym now and i want to transform myself

Hey you!
Haven't seen you online in forever.
Hope you're doing well buddy!

Awe, well thanks(:
Everything I did was basically a really stupid move on my part. But I wasn't exactly rational at the time anyway.
Good for you choosing not to do that! There's not many teenagers out there that think like that anymore. With me the whole drinking bit was a one time thing. Again- me not being rational. I have too many family members that drink. I've seen the stupidity it causes.
I understand entirely people finding it gross/weird. Whole reason I haven't really told anyone, though I probably have a few people I could. I know I really freaked out when I found out about my best friend doing it.
Eh, I suppose. Haha. Sometimes I feel like I don't do much good, but I try anyway

well i'm proud of you for that :-)
i struggle with depression alot, things like that but i never cut, and told myself i'll never take drugs or drink alcohol. call me straight edge i dont care. (and no offense to you- i personally find the subject of cutting really gross, even more than most people do)

and its soo great that you like want to help people, and its real not just as a way to gain something

I've been cut free for more than a month now I think. But it's been extremely difficult with my parents being how they are, and well, friends and such. Heh.
No no no! Please don't think like that seriously. A lot of my problems probably shouldn't bother me as much, what with the fact most of them aren't even directly linked to me.
If you ever want to talk, please don't hesitate, I don't mind at all! trying to help people is one of the few things that makes me feel good. I guess cause I feel like I can make a difference, at least every now and then

wow uh... i don't really know what to say. are you still cutting?

now i'll feel like a whining bitch if i ever tell you about my problems because they aren't nearly as big

Oh boy. xD well, let me just give a shorter version. Then if you have any questions about anything, you can feel free to ask. And thank you. (: <3 it means a lot


See, I've never really had a good relationship with my family. My mom is very criticizing about every last thing, pointing out all my flaws and such. So I have absolutely horrid self esteem. I've struggled with depression (though I've never been properly diagnosed by a doctor, there's really no way around it) for a long time.
Even though I've always had a lot of problems, things didn't go as far downhill until my sophomore year.
My best friend had split up with her boyfriend of four years, got suicidal over it. I stuck by her side and tried my damnedest to help her through it. I'd found out she had been cutting and pretty much dragged her unwilling ass to guidance, from there the school called home but nothing changed. Then she slept with her ex multiple times and got pregnant only to miscarry that June/July, not long after asking if I'd be willing to be the baby's godmother. Went right back into that slump of depression. Suicide threats, cutting, trying to OD, drinking. Shit went downhill fast. Spent all of last summer pretty much talking her out of it.
Last September 8th, one good friends mom got murdered by her (would have been) ex husband, who after shooting her shot himself. My friend told me every detail of what her and her brother found when they got home from school. Her mom was like a second mom to me.
Roughly 14 days later, on the 21st of September, my best friend actually went through with things and killed herself. I blame myself because I didn't stop her. That day was the one time I said and did nothing, and it was the one time it really mattered.
I did a lot of incredibly stupid things in the months to come. I never went to my beat friends funeral or memorial service. Nearly got into god knows how many fights with morons claiming to have been her best friend, morons saying it was all her ex's fault. Started cutting. Went and mindlessly drank for a while when I was home alone. I was reckless. I still am, in a lot of ways. I got to the point where I would barely eat. Still don't, not much really.
Between the time of her death and now, countless other things have happened. Another good friend's boyfriend killed himself in March. My great great uncle got diagnosed with cancer of the throat. My moms step brother nearly dies in a car wreck because he was driving drunk.
To be honest, I don't even know what all else at this point.
But it's just been one thing after another, it would seem.
None of my friend's know about the cutting, I know they'd freak the hell out and think it's weird. But there's no way they couldn't have noticed a change in me. I'm no where near who I used to be, and I don't think I ever will be again.
I've had a lot of friends pretty much turn their back on me when I needed someone the most, I guess.

i've got the time to read it<3

Lol, oh lord you're asking for quite a lengthy story there. xD
Thanks(:
It's always nice to know I at least have people I can count on here, haha.
I trust you know by this point I'm willing to listen and try to help anytime you need to talk/vent as well?