Hey C: I was looking on my profile and I decided to talk to someone I hadn't in a while, so I read a conversation we had back in '09. O: How're you doing? C:

Maybe you hit stuff in your sleep. I do too, but usually I'm half awake. Your PE teacher is a jerk hole. I hate changing too, but I guess that really sucks. If that happens again, you can always fake an injury or blame it on PMS. I don't really support those, but you can if you have to. I'm wearing armwarmers to PE now so I can cover my cuts. Your counselor won't believe you and calls DSS? How ridiculous. Just out of curiosity, what triggers you?

i have no idea where my bruises come from
everyday i wake up with more...
it sucks because for PE we have to wear shorts and a short sleeve shirt
so i didn't bring my changes so i wouldn't have to get dressed...
they made me wear loaners and i started crying in the locker room because i had big purple bruises all over me...
and my PE teacher saw me crying and was like "hurry up carey, we dont have all day."

DSS=Department of Social Services...they are the people to call when you need foodstamps and to report violence...

It's ok to not want to talk. You can be scared of telling, that's ok. If you do tell though, sometimes it can help. What's DSS? What are your bruises from? You can talk to me about anything you want such as your triggers and such. I know how valuable it is to have someone who will listen without judging. I promise I won't judge. Right now, I know you're a really great person.

im not close to anyone...
i haven't been to the doctor in gawd knows how long...
and i dont have a therapist (i scared all 4 of thems)
my school counselor knows i used to struggle with it,
but i dont like talking to people i see on a daily basis....
and she would have to tell my mom if she knew i was cutting
because of the safety things...
the school is liable if they dont tell my mom
and im scared that if she looks over me for cuts
she will see my bruises
(not caused by my mom or dad)
and call DSS again...

Did they realize you were hurting yourself with it? Some kids saw my cuts today and were asking me things like "Are you cutting yourself? I'm disappointed." as a joke until my friend who knows I cut told them "It was her cat." My friends who don't know were laughing because they know my brother is allergic to cats, but my friend is pretty respected at my school so they shut up. Does anyone know besides your friends? (doctor, therapist [if you have one], cousin)

ha
the sad the is,
they all saw my blade because i put it in a clear box (stupid, i know)
and they all called me emo and said nothing else.

It's ok. I understand how that all feels, honestly. I want some arm gloves too, but my friends would all make fun of me. It's too warm where I live to where a jacket now so I'm in trouble. It's ok too feel empty inside, I kinda feel like that too. It's just scary, isn't it? Do any of your friends know?

idk...
im just getting that empty feeling that i fought off for so long,
and now its back and much worse

unfortunately,
i only have two bracelets,
because when i quit earlier,
i threw them out so i would have nowhere to hide them

now i miss my bracelets...
im going to get one of those arm gloves soon....

Is it bad if your mom knows about it? It's ok to be feeling lost or upset. I finally relapsed and I'm not really sure if I care or why I even did it. My arm is covered now. What are you lost about? Maybe I could help.