okay. i'll be in chat

If you go in chat now i can talk for 10/15mins

No because it hurts you and its not fair. I'm not bad, how about you? x

Woah woah woah! There is absolutely no need to stop talking about or to that guy! you deserve happiness. I'm glad you've found someone that makes you happy. Anyway, how have you been?

Sorry, forgot a bit off my last m essage: Also, I know it was horrible of me to be talking about the other guy I know and I feel so guilty about it.... I won't talk about it anymore though if you dont want and if it makes you feel uncomfy I wont take things further with him. I just hope you can understand though how I feel too because I am trying my best to understand your points of view xxx

Sorry, I was actually meaning to reply but I was thinking about what I wanted to say and then I just got caught up in other things... I don't know why you thought I was keeping it a secret but honestly I thought you were doing the exact same thing. I think it's a case of mis communication. I would never want to make you feel that way or leave and I didn't mean it, I was just upset over what happened and childish as it is, I guess I just wanted to lash out at you. I care about you too Meg and I do want to be friends and I would try and work on the relationship but honestly I really don't think it will work properly because it's only online... I just think it's not the same and I hope you can understand what I mean without taking offense. I don't think it's selfish of you, I really do get where you're coming from, believe it or not. I'm so sorry for what you have been through Meg but you know, I'm not walking away from you... maybe we won't be together but that doesn't mean i'm deserting you or something.

I'm not really sure how I am supposed to take your lack of response to my vm from 4 days ago. if you don't want to talk to me thats fine, but please say so. if you do, kindly have the decency to at least finish our conversation about whether or not our friendship is continuing.

i did tell someone, but i didn't want to mention it to other people or blog about it because i thought you were keeping it a secret. i was going to quit teenhelp, because scrolling through the new blogs, and seeing you talk about him made me feel so worthless that i wanted to curl up into a ball, and never wake up. I really care about you and i do want to be your friend even though talking to you hurts right now. and it's hard for me to accept that you weren't willing to work to try to coordinate when we were online so we could talk more than once every several days. it's selfish of me, i know. i should be happy for you. its just i feel people walk out of my life constantly- my gf and my best friend three months after i was molested and they decided im to much of a burden and stop talking to me, my aunt who i used to see every week and now only hear from once every half a year or more because she wont return phone calls and she moves alot, two therapists who told me they couldnt handle me, or didn't have time for me, charlotte - after half a year of talking almost daily who i havent heard from in two months. life is too lonely so i keep trusting that maybe this relationship will be different. maybe this one, or this one. maybe THIS one someone will fight for the relationship as hard as i do. it's selfish i'm not instantly happy for you, but i guess i just wanted to be happy too.

Ok, so I know it was insensitive of me but I guess I was just pissed off at the way you just left the chat and all that..... and I never meant that I didnt have time to talk to you, I just meant that Im not around to chat as often as you seem to need me to be so I figured it wasnt working out. Did you tell anyone either? I never got the impression you mentioned it but what would I know eh? Im just this horrible person.... Meg Im not going to delete it, I get that you're upset, Im not embarassed of you though, why would I be? I dont even know where you got that from.... and we managed to be friends before this, so I guess I thought (stupid old me, eh?) that we could still be. Your choice though,

you know what's fantastic? a day after we break up you're posting blogs about this guy youre infatuated with. if you liked some guy why did you suggest trying a relationship anyway? you probably didn't even care enough about the relationship enough to tell anyone we were together in the first place, which is why i expect you to promptly delete this. you're embarassed of me, aren't you? besides, if you don't have time to talk to me, WHAT THE FUCK is the point of still being friends?