Information for parents

My child uses TeenHelp - what should I do?

You might be visiting TeenHelp because you have recently discovered that your child uses TeenHelp to deal with their personal problems. This section aims to give you advice on how to tackle this situation.

1. Don't read your child's content without their permission - If your child uses TeenHelp there's a good chance they've posted some really personal stories about themselves. Some of these may contain information they don't want you to know about, and it's not fair for you to intrude into their lives without them knowing about it. Your child should be given the chance to decide what you see and when you see it, so don't try to follow your child around the site. Respect their right to keep their lives private from you if they wish.
   
2. Let your child know that you know about TeenHelp - Be honest with your child. Let them know that you know about us, and make it clear to them that you won't be checking the site unless they say you can. Build up a trusting agreement with them - you need to trust that they're being sensible online and that they'll tell you anything you need to know, and they need to trust that you're not trying to find out about them without them knowing.
3. Let them know that you're there for them - While your child may not want to open up to you about what they're going through - and most certainly won't tell you everything about their lives - let them know that if they do choose to open up to you, you're there to listen to anything they want to share.
4. Invite them to write you a letter explaining their problems - Even if your child may want to open up to you, they may not wish to sit down and talk to you. Many young people find it a lot easier to write a letter explaining their problems. It would be a good idea to let your child know you would be open to this and you may get a positive response as a result.

Is TeenHelp safe?

TeenHelp is completely safe for young people to use. We have put a wide range of protective measures in place to keep our users safe. These are some of the reasons why TeenHelp is safe for your child to use:

1. We don't require any sensitive information from our users. We recommend that users don't disclose private information (e.g. phone numbers, addresses, photos, etc) via TeenHelp, and take active steps to remove some of this information if it is posted. However, the more children choose to share about themselves the more at risk they become, so if your child uses TeenHelp we recommend you talk to them about what kinds of information they shouldn't be sharing on TeenHelp.
2. We have a Moderator team whose job it is to monitor what's going on in the various site areas, discuss issues, and remove users who we feel could be a threat to others. These Moderators are very efficient and catch the vast majority of problems quickly, but in the event that they don't then it is very easy for users to report problems to the TeenHelp Staff team to be investigated.
3. We provide a wide range of guidance and information for users to keep them safe, including through this Safety Zone and other areas of our site. This includes guidance on sharing personal information, meeting others, and protecting themselves from bullying, abuse and online security issues.

If you have any questions please contact us by email at contact@teenhelp.org.

My child is struggling, how can I help?

It can be difficult to find out that your child is struggling with their mental health. You might feel worried, angry, or helpless. Below are a few things you can consider doing to help your child with what they are experiencing.

• Take a little bit of time to process this information. Initially, a lot of parents or caregivers feel shocked or even angry. If the situation is not immediately life threatening, take some time to process this and think about how you want to approach it. Try not to approach the situation until you are calm. Showing negative emotions towards your child can make them hesitant to confide in you. Stay calm, grounded, and open minded.
• Encourage your child to talk to you, or someone else they trust. Parents or caregivers can be an important part of a child's support system. Sit down with them and encourage them to talk or write a letter if they don't want to express their feelings verbally. When in doubt, ask them what you can to do help or if there is anything in particular that would make them feel safer confiding in you. Bear in mind that some children do not want to confide in their parents. If that is the case, ask your child if there is anyone else they want to confide in, or look for professional help if that is an option for you.
• Spend more time with your child if your schedule allows it. For many, thoughts and feelings increase their intensity while spending time alone. Being present with someone else can be a healthy distraction. You can spend more time with your child by watching a movie, playing a board game, taking walks on a daily basis, or doing something they're interested in. You can also encourage your child to join after school or community clubs and activities for a change of scenery.
• Look into professional help if it is available to you. Everyone is different; many people benefit from a medication, therapy, or a combination of both. A professional such as a therapist or psychiatrist will give your child another outlet to express and work on their feelings. If you cannot get professional help, do some research about what your child is struggling with and try different self-help techniques. For instance, if your child is struggling with self-harm, you might read about alternatives; if your child is suicidal, you might look at safety plans or reasons to live.
• Create your own support system if you need to. Your child is important and you are, too. Supporting someone who is struggling is admirable, but it can be difficult on the supporter sometimes. Talk to someone you trust, or look online for other parents in a similar situation. You have to take care of yourself so you can be in your best state of mind to support your child.

Can I use TeenHelp too?

As a parent of a teenager, you are welcome to use TeenHelp to ask questions. You may find that this shows you a different perspective on what you're seeing or experiencing, helps you to understand your child better or gives you much needed information. If your child is also using TeenHelp we strongly encourage you to discuss this with them, as they may feel uncomfortable with their parent(s) entering their space.

Useful resources for parents

• Website: Parent Channel - This website provides a range of videos to help parents learn and grow - Click here.
• Download: Share Aware - NSPCC's Share Aware guide for parents helps you to figure out how to manage your children's privacy online, understand the risks of your children being online and tips for talking to them about it - Click here.
• Website: Net Aware - This website lets you look up information on a specific website to find out how safe it is for your children - Click here.
• Article: What is harm reduction? - This article talks about how to reduce harm which can help your child in a range of situations - Click here.
• Quick Tips: How to support someone who self harms - This gives you some ideas of where to start if your child is self-harming - Click here.
• Download: Run Away Booklet - If your child has run away from home you can download a comprehensive guide on what to do - Click here.
• Article: Signs Your Child Is Being Bullied - The following article discusses how to recognise and tackle bullying - Click here.
• Article: Substance Abuse Guide - If your child uses drugs or alcohol and you're concerned, this guide will help you figure out what to do - Click here.
• Download: Drug and Alcohol Parent Talk Kit - This guide will help you to talk to your child about drugs and alcohol concerns - Click here.
• Article: 20 parenting techniques that can help discourage addiction - This article shows you 20 things you can do if you're concerned about your teenager facing a substance addiction - Click here.
• Article: 10 Ways to Encourage Smart Snacking - Here is an article about ways parents can encourage healthy eating - Click here.
• Article: 10 Things Parents Need to Know to Help a Struggling Reader - This article provides tips and suggestions for parents to help a child who has difficulties with reading - Click here.
• Article: Creating the Optimal Living Environment for a Child with ADHD - If your child has ADHD this may give you some new ideas to manage their condition better - Click here.
• Article: 12 Ways to Help a Teen Handle the Emotional Challenges of Moving - An article that provides tips on making moving more comfortable for your child - Click here.

Cyberbullying, abuse and predators

When you meet people online on sites like TeenHelp, they may seem nice and friendly at first - and indeed the vast majority of people are genuine and honest - however a small number of people may have ulterior motives. Some people may not be who you think they are at first. But we are here to keep you safe while you use our site.

Top tips to protecting yourself

• Be careful what you post online - Often individuals will exploit you by trying to embarass you in the case of bullies or trying to track you down - See our "Privacy online" section for tips on this.
• Don't give them the reaction they want - Often individuals are seeking to make you angry or upset, so showing this will encourage them to target you more.
• Don't attack back - Don't respond to abusive individuals in the same way. If you do something bad back to them you may get in trouble too.
• Trust your instinct - Often abusers try to manipulate or isolate you, by making you doubt yourself and your choices (this is often called "gaslighting"), being overly positive or trying to rush bonding (common symptoms of "grooming") - If you have doubts, feel embarassed or uncertain, or think something isn't right, trust your gut and reach out.
• Talk to somebody - A parent or other trusted adult, a school teacher or the police for example.
• Ignore them - If somebody you are speaking to online is upsetting you or making you uncomfortable, remember that almost all services including phone services such as Skype and WhatsApp allow you block somebody permanently with the touch of a button.
• Keep evidence - If you receive threatening or upsetting messages, emails or pictures it can be your first instinct to just delete them - However it's important to keep all of this evidence because if you need to report an issue (e.g. to TeenHelp, a school, the police, etc) then this will all be important. Be sure to have logging enabled on programs such as Skype. This will give you a record of any conversations you have.
• Report issues and concerns to TeenHelp according to our Complaints Procedure: www.teenhelp.org/complaints
• You don't need to have met someone in real life for them to bullying or abusive! See our "Safety information" section for more tips on this.
• Remember, you are not alone!

Meeting others from online

If you spend a lot of time online you may become friends with those online and choose to meet them offline too. Although this can work out great and lead to new friendships and relationships, it's important to remember that those you meet online may not be who they say they are. The following tips will help you stay safe if you're meeting someone you met online:

• Speak to the person for quite a while before meeting them - Make sure you know important information about them such as their age, where they're from and contact details. Don't meet strangers!
• Pay attention to any inconsistencies while talking - If their stories don't match up they may be trying to hide things from you.
• Tell someone where you're going and with whom.
• Meet in a public place.
• Take a phone with you.
• Don't be entirely alone with them - This includes walking in a secluded area such as an alleyway or park, especially at night, or accepting a lift home in a car.
• Watch your food and drink - Drink bottled/canned drinks, watch drinks made and don't leave a drink unattended while you go to the toilet. Drinks can be easily spiked with chemicals that can make you unconscious. Also be careful how much alcohol or substances you consume.
• Keep any possessions with you at all times.
• Trust your instincts - If you feel scared or uncomfortable at any time, make your apologies and get out of there.

Useful resources

• Quick Tips: Protecting yourself from cyberbullying - A short list of tips to help protect yourself - Click here.
• Website: Think U Know - A website that provides a wide range of articles, videos and resources aimed at people of different ages and parents to help you stay safe! - Click here.
• Article: Bullying, a mini manual - A general article describing different types of bullying - Click here.
• Article: Bullying - This is a general article giving some good tips for addressing bullying - Click here.
• Article: Debunking the myths of bullying - There are lots of myths and rumours about bullying. If you're anxious, don't understand bullying or don't want to report it, this article dispels some of those myths - Click here.
• Article: The effects of bullying - This article has lots of quotes describing how bullying affects people - Click here.
• Article: Protecting yourself from abusive individuals - A great detailed step by step guide to help you stay safe from abusive people - Click here.

Privacy online

What information should I share online?

Sharing information can have benefits and risks. TeenHelp recommends users only share what is absolutely necessary with others online. The less you share the better. We recommend you be careful when sharing information such as:

• Your surname
• Email address
• Phone number
• Postal address
• Pictures
• Bank information
• Passport number, national insurance number, social security number, etc

All of this information allows you to be personally identified online because it relates just to you. This information can be misused, for example predators could use it to find you, or it might enable you to be found by others through search engines - See the "Cyberbullying, abuse and predators" section for more information on this.

Sometimes information that doesn't seem so sensitive can be misused too. For example, several pieces of information could be combined to build up a picture of you or used for phishing/identify fraud attempts - See the "Security and viruses" section for more tips on this. Some of the information in this category could include:

• Date of birth
• Mother's maiden name
• Pet's name
• School or university name
• Name of employer

Possible consequences of sharing too much

Things you post online can come back to get you if you don't post them anonymously, for example:

• Sharing personal problems online - If these are found they could be used to embarass, bully or blackmail you.
• It could put you at risk of being targeted by predators - See "Cyberbullying, abuse and predators" for more information on this.
• Badmouthing employers or a school - This could get you in trouble, you could lose your job or you may not be offered a place in a school.
• Sending potentially embarassing pictures (such as nude photos) to others or allowing others to take pictures of you - Almost everybody has a smart phone these days so it's really easy to create those photos, but these things tend to get shared eventually and it's safer to just not take them.
• Sharing information about other people without their consent - If you share information such as photos of your friends it could damage your relationships with friends and family, not to mention it's not fair to put other people's privacy at risk too.
• You could be targeted for phishing or identity fraud - See "Security and viruses" for more information on this.

Of course, TeenHelp is a great place to seek help for problems with personal problems such as employers, schools or friends and family - But remember to keep it anonymous! Don't post your own names or that of others and you can seek all the help you need without it coming back to get you in the future!

How search engines collect and store information

Search engines collect records from around the Internet and store them on their own servers. This enables them to provide the most accurate search results for key words and is done automatically by computer programs called 'spiders'. When something new is posted online it won't appear in search engines right away, but once it does it can be hard to get rid of it. This is because search engines actually duplicate information and keep their own copy. This means that even if the original copy is deleted it can still be available and found in search engines. This applies to TeenHelp too. For example if you posted a blog entry on TeenHelp and later deleted it, it may be possible to still read it through a search engine. Therefore if there's something you don't want to be found out in the future, the safest thing is to avoid posting it entirely, because what goes online stays online.

How to control your privacy better

Sometimes it's necessary to share this information, however you have the choice of who you share it with and how you share it. For example if you need to give somebody your phone number you could send them an email with it instead of posting it in more public areas such as a forum or Facebook, which may be available to a search engine, predators or others.

When using websites such as Facebook always look through their privacy settings and make sure you set these properly - For example on Facebook you can set your profile to only be visible to friends.

If you're using a public computer clear web browser settings before you leave the computer. This can usually be found under the options or tools menu and might be called "clear browsing history".

How to set TeenHelp's privacy settings

TeenHelp has a few features you can use to further secure your information and keep you safe if you wish to do so.

• Profile privacy - Click 'User CP' on the top left hand corner, then click 'Profile Privacy' on the left side. You have display options for several profile sections so you can hide certain areas from being visible to certain people. Use the drop down menus to choose who can view which information. Remember to save your preferences.
• Invisible mode - Select 'Edit Options' from the left side of your User CP, and check 'Invisible Mode'. This mode allows you to be online without appearing on the 'Currently Active Users' list.
• Private and Visitor Messaging - Also on the Edit Options page, you can restrict your messages so only your Contacts and Moderators can send you messages. You can also completely disable Private and Visitor Messaging if you do not wish to send or receive any messages.
• Private blog posts - There is a drop down menu on the top left of your screen for Blogs. Click that, then select 'Your Blog', then select 'Post to your Blog'. Scroll down towards the bottom of the page and select 'Restrict viewing entry to Contacts and Blog Moderators'. Note: This is not automatic; this has to be ticked each time you post a new blog entry.
• Private albums - Click 'Albums & Pictures' from the top of the page, or go through your profile to do so. Scroll down to the bottom left of your page and select 'Add Album'. The following page has fields for a title and description. Below that are different options. Choose 'Private - only visible to contacts and moderators'.
• Private posting - Some areas of the site such as HelpLINK and Live Help are completely anonymous, but we also allow anonymous posting in the Support Forums for registered members by ticking a simple tick box when you're making your post.

Privacy Policy

TeenHelp takes your privacy seriously and we have spent a lot time ensuring our Privacy Policy follows the strictest measures to keep you safe. We follow relevant laws and recommended procedures, such as the General Data Protection Procedures.

For information on how TeenHelp manages personal information you submit to us please view our Privacy Policy - Click here.

Useful resources

• Article: Internet safety - This article gives some general tips on staying safe while using the Internet - Click here.

Security and viruses

The types of online problems

• Viruses - A virus is any harmful program that can infect your computer. They can do all sorts of things such as make your computer slower, delete your files, track where you go online and other things. A trojan horse is a type of virus designed to look like something legitimate (such as a downloadable program) and a worm is a type of virus designed to send itself to others automatically, such as by manipulating your email account to send itself on to your friends.
• Spyware and adware - These are similar to a virus, but usually less severe. They may be used to collect personal information or display advertising pop ups for products for example.
• Malware - A collective term referring to viruses, spyware, adware and other malicious software together.
• Phishing - This is when someone tries to trick you into sending your personal information, most commonly financial information. It could be a fake website designed to look like your bank or eBay so you will provide credit card information.
• Hackers - Although a lot of computer problems are automated (such as viruses), there is the risk of real people out there who may directly target you by hacking your computer and gaining partial or full access to it.
• Identity fraud - This is when somebody uses your personal information to pretend to be you - This could be used to steal money or worse.

How people breach your security - And tips to avoid these

Most security problems work by tricking you into doing something (this is called 'social engineering'). It is usually really easy to protect yourself if you follow some simple tips:

• Choose a good strong password. Avoid passwords with common information such as your name or date of birth as these are easier to guess. Add numbers and symbols to your password to make them harder to guess.
• Don't tell anyone else your password.
• Change your passwords often.
• Recognise harmful emails:
  • If it doesn't mention your name it may be from an untrustworthy source.
  • Don't click on any links sent to you via email unless you know who they're from, these may take you to a fake website (phishing) or install a virus on your computer - Some may appear to be from your bank, PayPal or eBay, but are often fake. Instead try using a search engine to get to these websites on your own.
  • Even clicking on pictures can cause viruses.
  • Often these emails may be trying to panic you by giving you a deadline to take action so you don't think logically.
  • Never provide bank or password details via email.
  • Check whether the address looks like it's from the same company, for example if you receive an email from Google the email address should end with "@google.com".
  • Don't trust emails from countries you've never visited.
• Don't download anything unless you trust the source.
• Don't install any programs on your computer unless you trust the source.
• If you're unsure about a suspicious email, website or software, use Google to look up the company to see what you can find out about them before proceeding.
• When sending sensitive information (such as credit card details for a payment) look at the website link in your browser address bar, it should say "https" at the start with a picture of a padlock. The S is important because it stands for "secure" and means your information is being encrypted and can't normally be read by others.
• Don't share too much personal information online - Quite often banks use personal information such as your date of birth or name of your pet as security questions - So if you share too much people may be able to piece it together - See our "Privacy online" section for further tips on this.
• Don't run your computer in administrative mode - Most modern operating systems prevent this automatically, but not all of them. If you're logging into an administrator account (for example you are able to install software without re-entering your password) then we recommend you create a second account to use. This makes it much harder for viruses to install themselves automatically without a password.
• Only install apps published through your official app store on mobile devices.
• Read software reviews carefully as sometimes apps and other software are packaged with more harmful programs.
• Configure web browser settings to for example disable cookies or scripts (advanced users only) as this gives you more control over what runs on your computer.

Software available to help

• Antivirus - Antivirus software can help to protect you against viruses by automatically detecting and removing them.
• Antispyware/antimalware - Like antivirus, these programs can help you remove all the other little problems on your computer.
• Firewall - While antivirus and antispyware are like the medicine for your computer, a firewall is like your immune system. If you have a properly configured firewall you should be able to avoid getting viruses in the first place most of the time.
• Make sure all the other software you use is up to date - Such as your operating system and browser. Older versions of programs may be more at risk of giving you a virus.

It is best to use only one anti-virus and firewall program at a time as they can interfere with one another and stop them from working properly.

Be sure to keep your computer up to date. Your computer may ask you to install updates on its own, alternatively you can do this yourself. This protects your computer by fixing security problems.

New programs are released all the time, for tips on which are the best ones to use try using a search engine or asking in our Technology and Gaming forum.