Friends and Family Everyone has disagreements, even best friends and family. If you need advice about a relationship, ask us here.
Topic Review (Newest First)
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| December 20th 2024 10:23 PM |
| SabsaJo |
Re: How to get parents to understand boundaries?
This will sound counter-intuitive but communication can do wonders. I talked this out with my mom and she said that she still struggles to not see me as an almost grown up, and this is even more the same for dads. I kinda do get their view too, they spent their whole lives raising us in a certain way, and now that has to change rapidly in our teen years and we want more independence. I found that telling them how it makes me feel and to try and be a bit more trustful helped, but still won't completely solve it. I think we will always be a little human in their eyes haha
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| May 18th 2024 08:01 PM |
| Arabesque- golfing girl. |
Re: How to get parents to understand boundaries?
Hello and I am sorry this is happening to you and I hope that you will be okay soon. You can try asking your mother to sit down with you and you can talk to her about how this is making you feel. Also, try writing a letter and put everything in it, how you feel and what you would like to have different. I hope everything works out for you soon. 
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| May 18th 2024 07:37 PM |
| ¯|_(ツ)_|¯ |
Re: How to get parents to understand boundaries?
Hey,
You mentioned telling your mom you are open to other forms of affection. Did you give her ideas on what the ways you'd like to give and receive affection are? It might help her to have a solid idea of what she can do.
When she goes to hug you, I would move away and say "I do not want to be hugged," and repeat that as many times as she tries to hug you. If she says you are being disrespectful you can say "I understand this is how you show affection, but I do not want to be touched."
When she comments on your weight, you can say "this conversation is over." You can either repeat that or even walk away when she continues to comment on it. She'll probably consider walking away to be disrespectful but she's giving you the same disrespect by commenting on your weight after you tell her you don't want her to. Maybe after a few times of you walking away she'll start to get the hint that this isn't a conversation you want to have.
Also, for your own reminders, you can be healthy at any weight. As long as you are taking care of your body and your doctor says you are healthy, that's all that matters.
You're not posting too much either.  There's no limit.
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| May 18th 2024 06:18 PM |
| Rainforest |
How to get parents to understand boundaries?
Hi!
Recently, I've started to wonder about my parents, namely my mom, and how they react to my boundaries.
My mom is dead set on physical touch being one of the most important love languages, and I can understand that, but the thing is I don't like it. Once we were out doing some shopping, and when I came out of the changing room to show her one shirt, she tried to hug me but I shook my head and sort of dodged it. She said that if I don't hug her she won't get me the shirt... (I managed to persuade her in the end... but I got a lecture of how I'm disrespecting her if I don't hug her). Whenever we watch a show and a child dodges their parent's hugs, she comments on that as well ("See how they're disrespectful?")
I tried to talk to her one night, explaining that I wouldn't want to hug or touch her but am open to other means of showing affection, she casually made a joke about "How else do you want to show affection? You want us to be conjoint or something?" She really doesn't understand it.
Additionally, she comments on my weight a lot. I've told her that I don't like it when she talks about it, but her excuse is that she wants me to be healthy. Yes, I get it, but our conversation goes like this every time:
Her– Are you sure you want to eat that/You need to do more sports.
Me– I really don't like it when you comment on my weight
Her– Just saying, I want you to be healthy
Me– Okay, I don't want you to comment about my body
Her– You need to be healthy
(The thing is, I am healthy. I'm not overweight or anything like that. I just find it really hard to not hate my body when that happens. Also, on a side note, I hope I'm not posting too much on TH or anything like that... anyway, I'm looking for a way to explain the concept of boundaries to her. thanks for any help )
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