[TigerTank77]

I hate admitting you were right. That ending things was for the best. Because... I'm not sure if I'm okay yet. I know you're trying, either getting into (or making it appear as) though you've already got yourself in a rebound relationship after just over a week. Even though our mutual friend thinks your full of shit in that regard, I really just don't want to hear about you anymore. Or care, to be honest.

I don't want you to come back if (when) it falls apart. I want to move on, and meet someone else, someone closer to where I actually live. Someone I can actually hold at night and look longingly into the eyes of. Someone with whom I can do everything I've ever wanted to do with someone I love, but not with you.

I don't want to be your friend right now. Maybe not for a long time, until further in the future, when you comfortably sit in the part of my mind where I keep my other ex's, instead of uncomfortably burning at the front of my thoughts and the pit of my stomach. I don't want to hate you. I'll never wish ill on you, and I do want you to get better. To not be self destructive and nihilistic and suicidal. But I'm angry at you. I'm dissapointed in you. For building me up, making me feel like I could be safe, loving someone who loved me back, only to have you give up on me, and making me give up on you. Breaking my heart after we became best friends and lovers. Like you wanted- after all, you said you loved me first.

I catch myself afraid sometimes, too often. Afraid of the future without you in it. Afraid of being able to be so callous while mentioning you without a second thought, to speak ill of you and then disregard the thought of you easily and without pain. Because I never wanted someone who meant so much to me, to just be another footnote in the history of "things I've overcome".

But now I do, because it'll mean I'll be ok.

One day, I'm not going to miss you, or think of you. And the sooner it comes, the better.