[HealingAngel]

--- Appropriate Labels: Triggering (Suicide), Triggering (SH), Non-PG13 (Strong Language) ---


Background on the Poem:

This poem is from a long time ago (about a year maybe) when I was in a really dark, awful place... A couple of weeks I returned to this place and it brought back the vague memory of this poem. It hurts to reread but I kind of wanted comments on it from people. I might edit this post later or re-post in a couple of weeks asking for constructive criticism, but for now I just welcome comments.


How the Poem is Meant to be Read:

If you've ever heard of "Spoken Word" or "Brace New Voices" you'll be able to read this better. It's meant to be read aloud with emotion and I'm not sure how it will come across simply written. But the first time I tried to re-read it aloud and started choking back tears because I didn't realize how... how dark of a place I had been in before. Anyway, It's called "Black." .




Black.


I've a been burned, scarred. Cut so deep blood seeps down my arm. Circling my palm. Calm. Rushing over me now so fast that Pow!


Black. Dark. Concrete walls, dreary drawls of sound. I’m sucked in, melted. Pelted with stones and hate. Fate..? Supposedly innate yet I sit here and I wait for something remarkable to make life worth this pain. Rain pours down the window. A moan... yet I'm alone, and I’m wanting to postpone life. Better yet, end this strife between god and I, because lord knows that I try to live by his rules but now all I want to do is just fly. But instead this ground sucks me in up to my chin and gravity holds me to where I can no longer bear the weight of these people who pretend like they fucking care.


Black. Smack. Time to wake up and truck through the mud. Pulling my feet out of this muck. Fuck this. My heart’s cracking in two and I want to die because of you, making me feel love and laughing from above while I go through these games of yours. I jumped through god damn hoops to get the caress of your voice! Rejoice before you drop me making another choice. Choosing she. I want to fucking yell, scream and shout. But instead I beam a little smile planning a different route. I’m breaking. Hands shaking, heart racing..Pacing. I hate this place.


Black. Silence. I’m shedding new tears now thinking of these next years, of never finding love and all of my fears start to appear and nothing's clear until I see it. ... An escape. And suddenly I realize this is my fate, and maybe all along those people were right and it is innate. But I’m done with this fight. This day was long and everything feels so wrong. I don’t belong. And I know when I pop that shell that all is well now. Blood pooling, as my life starts to drain and I fade away from this hell. Blood cooling, Ring the bell..? Fuck that. Enough. Life’s too rough and I’m escaping this cell. Now… pow…


Black.