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Member
I've been here a while
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Name: Jay
Age: 27
Gender: Female
Location: In the deep, dark, treacherous place called my mind. Oh and Australia!
Posts: 1,737
Points: 22,944, Level: 21 |
Join Date: August 24th 2012
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Grieving my exbestfriend... -
December 20th 2012, 10:28 AM
This thread has been labeled as triggering, particularly on the subject of suicide, by the original poster or by a Moderator. The contents of this thread therefore might not be suitable for certain sensitive users. Please take this into consideration before continuing to read.
I hate myself that I need to write another thread here but I need to seriously get it out before I do something I won't have time to regret...
Okay, I was friends with this girl for three years, closely, and then when I left our school we stayed in contact but she'd moved to the popular bitches group and hated my other bestfriend, I tried to repair their friendship but instead it drove S from me. T is still my friend.
S's family was falling apart when I was there, her mother was diagnosed with bowel cancer which went to her ovaries and the marriage wasn't working. So the dad split, they lost their house and was forced to move.
Today, I found out that the older sister F had taken the car, most of their mother's money and then moved out. S (older brother) started smoking and drinking due to what was happening, and T (little sister) ran away and hasn't been seen for three months now  and NOW, S, my exbestfriend attempted suicide and succeeded  and now I don't know how I feel, angry, shocked, sad, I have been crying off and on since I heard and I just can't help thinking about tearing open my veins with a blade or downing my pills again... this time I have more to ensure I die... I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO! I snapped at my brother/bestfriend! and Now I feel guilty over that! I'm angry at myself, I tried to help S when I moved but it just made things worse! I just want to die and see her again so I can repair OUR friendship! I vowed to do that and now I missed my chance and I didn't expect to hurt so much how can I start to heal? I'm not even able to go to the funeral!
Thanks for any help...
Jay.
Buddy since 18/11/12 LiveHelp Operator since 22/12/12 Add me on Facebook Jay Louise Shorrock!
A whisper in the dark; is better than silence in the light. -Courtesy of your's truly. 
My blog is open to all, those whom are easily triggered avoid, it's a story about a girl and her life and how far she has come over the years. If you read it, I hope it inspires you to keep fighting and to NEVER give up!
When you can no longer think of a reason to continue, you must think of a reason to start over.
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