[Alucard]

Why is this hitting me now? It was like a punch in the face to realize what you did to me was sexual assault. But it probably doesn't matter now. I don't even know where you are anymore. Most likely in jail since the last time I saw you, years ago, you had said you had just gotten out from there and you had a new girl on your arm. Even now everytime I think about it, I feel sick. But of course, I couldn't have known you just wanted an easy way to get what you wanted. I was thirteen and clueless after all.

Why was I relieved to find out you weren't moving away? I know you have to live your own life and I can't stop you but it just seems like I'll lose a part of myself when you move. Maybe because I'm so used to having you so close.

You're amazing. But for some reason, I can't seem to take the next step with you. I know you'll wait as long as it takes but I'm just not ready. The very thought of it just makes me terrified. Why? I shouldn't be if I'm with you, but I am.....