[amystery]

I have quite the list but lately here are some of the things that keep me going...

-I made a list of all the reasons I needed to quit harming myself

-I have an amazing support system of online friends and TH members who encourage me to keep going and are there to talk things out when I need them. Not sure if any of them will read this post but to all of you THANKS..a thank you is not enough but unfortunately its all I can give you back. Your unwavering support means more to me than you can even begin to imagine

-I bought a bracelet with a quote I love "Dreams become a reality one choice at a time"--I wear it every single day and it reminds me that the little choices matter and I need to hang in there

-I've reached 7 months and am nearing 8 months free of self harm...something I'm not ready to give up

-truthfully? a lot of it is to prove to myself and my ex that I'm not as much of a mess and disaster as I have been previously. Hurting my ex and putting him through all the things i put him through...and watching our relationship crumble is one of my biggest motivations to keep going. I want him to go on with his life and move past the shit I put him through..I don't want him to have to worry about me anymore…and I NEVER want him to see me break down again.

-I want to prove that I'm strong enough to quit without leaning on him and without therapy etc

-for all the people I’ve promised I wouldn’t harm myself anymore.

-so my parents never have to know how bad it got and I don’t have to cause my brother and parents the same pain n struggles that my brother’s depression and self-harm caused me

-I’ve already screwed up my knuckle…probably for good since it still gives me trouble and hurts close to a year later. My damage and scars were becoming more serious…basically just recognizing the long-term effects my self-harm was leaving me with physically as well as emotionally

· the emotionally and mentally draining effects and just the emotional/mental exhaustion of dealing with the issue—it effected/s every relationship I had as well as my capability to enter into new relationships and friendships…I entirely closed myself off from the world

-my self-harm had a lot to do with feeling in control and I definitely let it spin out of control…so Im trying to make quitting about regaining control and proving I can make it without it

-the little things: simply keeping myself busy with other things, texting someone when Im low, pinterest, movies, anything to distract myself, blogging, reading TH posts and blogs, cuddling a pillow or stuffed animal, sleep, etc…Its all about the little victories…each day hr or even minute I was/am self harm free means Im better off than I once was.