[tomskeezlez]

Originally Posted by FallingForGrace

My bf and I were best friends too before we started dating. At first it was awkward too, but the thing about me, is that I'm honest to a fault. So one day I told him that I didn't feel like a couple, so we talked about it and then slowly we added in a "babe" then a "baby" then a few "Love yas" and eventually he was my boyfriend but still my pal. Like I still make fun of him like I would my other guy friends. He still makes jokes at my expense. The key thing here is to communicate. If you are ok with him being your bro while still being romantic, tell him so! Just say, "Hey, you know I'm still the same person right? I don't get offended easily, and I hope you don't either. I hope you know how I feel about you and that anything else that is said in good fun, is just that." Make boundaries. Like if he used to talk about girls he thought were hot and youre not comfortable with that, let him know in a light hearted way. For example "You can still make black jokes, but if I hear you say something about a hot girl, I'll go hood on you" and then laugh, so he knows youre joking. Like my bf and I, he still tells me if he finds a girl attractive and I tell him if I find a guy attractive (mainly when watching tv or something) because we trust each other. I know I'm the only one and he does too, and that comes from not only the loyalty we have as a couple to each other, but also the loyalty we have as friends.

Wow, it sounds like you and your bestie had a great relationship! (If you don't mind, could you tell me how it went?) Thank you so much for the advice -- I found your answer thorough and very helpful.

I think you're right about the communication -- while we DO talk about anything, and some boundaries are either already known, or have been set early. He's known for years that I don't plan on having sex before marriage, and when it came up in a conversation, he'd said exactly that: "I don't really care about sex... I mean, I DO -- I'm a guy, and I'd be lying if I said I had a problem with it. But I don't care about waiting, because that's what you want to do, and I respect that." But I guess I hadn't addressed his nervousness. Part of me did it because while he's a really reasonable guy who isn't afraid of admitting he's wrong (That's partially why the two of us have never had an argument -- we can both admit to our faults openly) but I've called him on being nervous before, and he adamantly denied it. I think he would talk about it shortly into our relationship, knowing him, but I think he feels he has to play the cool guy to A) Impress me, because he was burned pretty badly by his last girlfriend (she cheated on him -_-) and he's admitted to me a year back that one of his biggest fears was saying something to myself and our best friend (we're kind of a trio) that would make us never want to speak with him again, and B) because he feels that he has to take the wheel on things since he THINKS I have little to no experience with guys.


I was actually having one of our super-long phone conversations with him about a week ago, and we were both just clearing up misunderstandings we've had about eachother for the last three years, our thoughts on dating, boundaries, ect., and he'd asked me what type of girlfriend I was, since amongst pretty much all of my friends, no one knows of my "flirty side". To them, the idea of me flirting with a guy is kind of like this mythical beast -- I tell them about it, yet they're kind of on the fence in believing It's real because they've never seen me flirt with a guy in person. I only attend my new high school with one of my friends from my old middle school, but even my new friends know me as the confidant "I don't give a care what you think" kid, so I could care less whether they know about my romantic experiences because it would be pointless and not in my best interest to prove them otherwise. But my best friend knew I'd had one boyfriend before him (while I'd flirted and had "sort of" relationships with alot of people, only one had been an "official" boyfriend) he was wondering what the "flirty" me looked like, or if I even had a flirty side.

I explained that yes, I DO have a flirty side, and experience in doing so, and he just couldn't wrap his head around it. "Really? It's not that I think you're incapable of it... It's just that my image of you 'flirting' with anyone is kind of weird. In my head, the first image that comes to mind of you picking up a guy has a British accent for some reason, and a monocle and poofy dress, and when you approach someone, the first words that come out of your mouth are always 'Why, I find your face quite fetching, good sir -- care to dabble in a spot of tea in the noontime-hours?'" I had a good laugh at that, because I tend to use words like "fastidious" and "persnickety" on a norm, and it throws my friends, family, and english teachers for a loop, but it also kind of worried me... It means I have to set the bar. Again, flirting with other guys has been no problem for me, but with him... he makes me feel appreciated, which is all a person can want, but also small at the same time. Usually, the guys I flirt with are easily manipulated or won over -- give them a few compliments, and you've got a lunch date. But he makes me say really stupid things sometimes, so the confidant me is kind of gone out the window. Him simply complimenting me once or twice (calling me beautiful, sexy, ect) left me speecheless, since it was at a two-year mark in our friendship (He'd seen my dress that I wore to this dance, and was very flattering about it) and 'till then it had just been the two of us joking around... Quite frankly, I'm not sure how to respond to HIS flirty side either.