[LDRSurvivor]

I am seventeen. I have diabetes and Wolff-Parkinsons-White-Syndrome. I am prone to doing stupid and self destructive behavior when depressed.
And I am addicted to energy drinks.

It has been happening since I was in middle school, roughly coming up on five years now. My drinks of choice are currently, and in that order, Monsters, Widow Makers, and Amps. When low on money, since I dont have a job, I go right for the Widow Makers. They are a little over a dollar where I live. And, despite having no reaction from Monsters anymore, WMs still make me shake and give a reaction that never weakens. Those drinks are scary strong.*
Last year for the last few months of school, I had a WM and two Amps a day. Five days a week. Sometimes I even got another drink before I went home. Sometimes I had more than one Widow Maker a day. You do the math- that is unhealthy to the max.
This year, so far in school, I have had one Monster every day for two weeks. Last Friday I had two Amps instead.

I prmised my boy friend, my friends, my family that I would not go that far again, but I am terrified of latting them all down.

I am an ex cutter, and one thing that helped me wane off of that was the drinks because they helped me feel alive when I was so emotionally dead. I go for a drink in the morning when I wake up, to stop myself from crying during school as well as keeping awake. But I drink them more for the emotional boost than energy, and I know thats bad. But I cannot stop.

I don't like coffee. I don't like tea. I already drink a lot of water. :/ Is there any way to keep this under control? With it being senior year as well as one of the most stressful times in my life so far, I am kinda scared.