[iRide Eventing]

To be honest, I'm quite terrified. I went to the doctor's two days ago, and they were so close to seeing. Now I have to go to a knee specialist and might have surgery again. If I have surgery again there's no way they won't see it, my thigh is just lined with hella scars, and I don't want ANYONE to find out. Ever. Tbh, I'm a bit paranoid of just putting it on here because I'm scared it'll somehow bite me in the ass... yay for paranoia.

Anyway, make-up won't hide it. You can tell it's been covered and it'll be quite obvious. If they do see it, do they have to tell my parents? I honestly don't want anyone knowing. I have three very good friends that know, and I regret telling two of them. One does understand but the other two just kinda made everything worse... I wish I could take it all back.

I'm just nervous that someone will find out and it will ruin my plans of going into the Air Force and FBI when I'm older. Though that might already be ruined. I don't know what my doctor saw but she put me on anti-depressants and I have to go to counseling now... which also scares me. I don't wanna go to counseling, because it'll probably ruin my future. I don't wanna be on these anti-depressants, because it'll probably ruin my future.

Just, ugh.

Seems like my whole world is falling apart. ):