[SimplyComplex]

Dear Shauna,

I know you want us to be best friends. And some silly stupid part of me didn't mean anything I said at all. I don't WANT to get over you, but I can't hang on and put that kind of shit on your shoulders. I can see that you don't know what to do. But you don't want to have to pick yet. So I told you not to pick. To let it go and see where it takes you. And this whole being best friends thing...I can't do it. Fuck. It's hard. I don't know how to not look at you and love you. I don't know how to LIKE Jon. Because I'd honestly like to hurt him. And I've never wanted to physically or mentally harm anyone. This is turning me into a demon. I only feel anger and hate. Then I see you and I feel love and...everything else. I want to say I can't be friends...but I've already done so much to you already...I'll lose you forever if I do. I feel trapped.

Taylor,

I can't say I love you. I can say thank you...for making life so damn complicated. For running away it seems. And you're someone I'm constantly thinking about letting go. See, the beautiful thing about being this angry is being able to cut whoever the fuck I want out of my life...and you know what? I won't feel one ounce of regret. Or sadness. Or anything. I can say I've liked you since I met you. I can say I've always wanted to be with you. But I'm not ready for anything. And I hate to say it, but I think we're using each other. We just can't admit it, but we're one anothers scapegoats. I run from Shauna to you. You run from Josh to me. And this vicious circle starts over again. I will not let this happen. I will shut down and turn away from you. From her. From everyone. Because I can. What can I say other than...it's what I do. To be brutally honest...I know our "one night" would just be sex. Right now, it's a self destructive thing for me. Something I kinda enjoy. It isn't filling my body with poison so it really can't be all that bad. But I don't want it to hurt you.

Dear Comet,

I love you baby girl. I'm so sorry. Putting you down was the hardest thing I've ever done and now I have nightmares about what I did. You looked so...different and I can't stand the thought. I can't stand the images. But I know in my heart it was the right thing to do. I'll see you again someday. I hope. You were my best friend. And nothing will ever change that. Nothing will replace you.