[escape♥]

I can't eat in front of my own family without getting anxiety. I try to tell them how much I am struggling, and I just can't. I had a crying screaming match with my mom yesterday..I feel terrible. I told her sorry I'm such a screwed up kid. Maybe my little brother will come out better.
They don't understand. I have to FIGHT to get the help I need. I had to ask a few times just to get back into therapy and now my therapist thinks I need to see a dietician...and my parents are dragging their feet. Granted, we're waiting for a pay check, but still. They think that they can help me. They can't. I have A FUCKING MENTAL ILLNESS. Can't they see that?!?!?! Oh yeah, no they can't. I'm not skinny so nothing's wrong with me. God. I'm so pissed. I need to loose weight for medical reasons and my parents keep pushing me, and I'm like, its like telling an alcholic to have a few drinks but don't over do it and expect them to not to get drunk.
Honestly, giving in to the eating disorder is easier than this.
Sorry I'm so fucked up and that this was so long. I just needed to rant/vent.
~paula