Hi HBAlexis!
First off... I am truly sorry to hear about your dad. I have some idea of what he's going through. [Having known people with cancer] It's not easy - that's for sure. Cancer is tough - no matter what. But when it strikes the head [Brain, mouth, throat or wherever] it's just a little more 'personal'. We LIVE in our head - so to speak. I don't know if that made sense but.........
As for feeling so ashamed and embarrassed for crying - I can understand WHY you would feel that way. But I also know that you have no right to feel that way. Every emotion we have - from the good to the bad - from the happy to the sad - is valid and has a place in our life. For you to ADD shame to the SAD - is horribly unfair. If some other person broke down in tears at work - for whatever reason - would you think less of them?! A 'strong person' isn't someone who holds all of their emotions IN. A 'strong person' is someone who recognizes and appreciates the fact that every emotion has its place. And right now - and for the next while - sadness - and crying - is going to be a big part of your life. And that's how it should be. Someone you love is sick. It only makes sense that you would be sad.
Interestingly enough - our FEAR of 'losing control' emotionally [i.e. crying when we don't want to] makes it MORE likely that we WILL 'lose control'. So be OK with what happened. And plan ahead to be OK if it happens again. And then go back to work with your head held high. Chances are - those who saw you cry think even more highly of you. Imagine that! Things are often - after all - the opposite of what we fear.
GREAT BIG HUG
Craig!!