[Coffee.]

Hey Michelle,

I really like the theme you have taken on, with a nice solid story line! My advice to you is to get out of the rhyme scheme, it's really holding the story back, and making it lack of imagery. So maybe take an afternoon and really sketch out what you want to show in this poem, the emotions, the images, and the feeling you want to reader to be left with, and use what you have to mold a poem that is a little more concrete. I hope that helps, good luck!