[Ella.x]

That actually sounds like a good idea! I've never seen the point in non alcoholic beers/wines before, but maybe it will trick me into feeling like I'm drinking, but not having all the bad side effects.
My mum is really nice and she said I could always go and stay with her if I need to, but she really only knows the bare minimum. She doesn't know I self harm, she doesn't know how much I drink, she doesn't know I'm suicidal. I try to avoid letting her know too much because I feel guilty about making her worry about me. I feel so awkward showing any sort of negative emotions around her because growing up, if I was upset/angry/crying I had to go to my room and stay quiet so that I didn't upset my little brother (he has autism and gets really agitated when people are upset/angry), so I guess I never really had that sort of emotional support from my mum before. Don't get me wrong, it's not her fault and she wasn't doing it to be mean, but I'm pretty sure this was one of the contributing factors to the problems I'm having right now. I'm terrified of actually having to experience my emotions properly. Damn, I must remember to tell my therapist that stuff.