Hey there,
You've done well to recognise and ask for help before the problem is out of hand, so you should be proud
I'm sorry, I don't want to sound preachy but if you're on meds won't the alcohol be messing with the meds as well? I know you realise it's dangerous but I just need to stress how dangerous right now; meds and alcohol do not mix, together they're killers, you should be really careful, look after yourself
I know you said that alcohol is the least dangerous method right now, but in the long term it can be very dangerous, it can affect your kidneys and you liver which could cause organ failure and in extreme cases death
So, short term it's not bad, but long term it is.
Okay, there was a study done that says that drinking throughout the week is healthier than binging on the weekend...I'm not saying it's a good thing, I'm just saying it's better to consume a bottle of wine throughout the week than a whole bottle and then some on the weekend. So while you're cutting down I suggest doing it in the best way you can
I am in no way encouraging you to drink, I'm just suggesting ways to help reduce the risk of damage to yourself.
Cutting back can be difficult, especially when you think it's the only thing keeping you sane, but you have to set limits for yourself everyday. Like say...buy one bottle of whatever and then say you won't go out for the next two days or whatever. Or, do something similar to the butterfly project, the alternative for self harm? You could create something like that to help cut back your drinking. You could also set goals for yourself, like say you won't drink for so much time and then when that amount of time is done promise yourself you'll stop drinking for another say...day or whatever your goal was
Good luck, I'm always here to talk so feel free to
PM me, stay strong.
Anna