Hey there Hollie. Sorry to hear your struggling
I suggest trying to write a letter, I think you wouldn't be as anxious, it won't be as akward, and you can write what you want to say. Somewhere, in the back of your mind, you know you need help. So try and think about what to say for a few days, so it won't take long to write, that way the voices won't be as loud.
I hope I helped.
PM or
VM me anytime you need anything or wanna talk. I'm always here for you. <3