[Bibliophile]

I was diagnosed with anorexia a couple of years back. I've finally (barely) got myself up to a healthy weight. Only, now I'm here I feel SO disgusting. It's been an incredibly long time since my weight was this high and I really cannot handle it. I want to tear myself apart. I'm managing to eat although I've found myself returning to purging. The feeling of a 'full' stomach makes me furious at myself, it feels as though I'm a failure. I don't feel as though I'll ever be good enough.

I don't honestly know what to do, because I've gained this weight I'm scared to be honest with my counsellor about how badly I'm struggling as I should be better now. I don't think I can recover from this. In my head I'm undeserving of help, how do I even go about 'asking' for help when I feel like this?