[Coffee.]

I love the idea, but I think it needs a lot of working on (which is not bad, I just mean you can do a few things to make it awesome. )

1. You need to fluctuate the sentence length more. There are lots of one word lines, which is good in moderation for emphasis on the word, but it needs to have more fluency.

2. There needs to actually be more...sentences. There are a lot of just general words, sort of "main idea" words, but it makes that there is no story behind this poem, it's only describing a raw emotion, but it's hard to see anything with just these emotional words. Give us a picture.

3. A few more cliche words, you know, things that are used a lot in these types of emotions. Numb. Dark.(which you repeated once in noun and once in adjective form) I think you should find a dictionary, and really expand on the type of vocabulary you use.

Hope that helps, you're a great writer!