[Storyteller.]

Hey Christian.

I think it's good that you've figured out what's causing you to hurt yourself. It's true that self harm isn't a long term solution, and it won't really alleviate your feelings at all. While it can make some sort of sense to hurt yourself out of guilt, this is obviously causing you some problems too, so I'm glad you decided to come to us for advice. Let's see if I can help a bit.

First, I wouldn't say that guilt is necessarily useless. It can prompt you to do good, for example, or to re-examine things. It can deter you from doing wrong, and help reward you for doing right or making amends. That said, it's not a pleasant emotion at all, so if you can get rid of it, you should.

Everyone has bad thoughts sometimes. Even the nicest of people have probably wished ill on someone else - it doesn't mean you've done them any harm. There's a difference between wishing for these things and actually taking actions towards them; and from what you've said, it doesn't sound like you've actually done anything to hurt these people, even though they've been less than kind to you, so I'm not actually sure you've even done anything wrong here.

And even if you had, it's not worth hurting yourself over. One of the best ways to get revenge is to live your life well - you don't have to forgive these people for whatever they've done, but just try not to let them ruin your life. Understand that the past is the past, and start working towards making your future better. As yourself if this guilt is really doing you any good; chances are it's probably not, so that's your cue to get rid of it.

One thing I've found helpful in overcoming feelings of guilt is to do nice actions. Kind of like restoring your karma. By doing good things, it can help to cancel out the bad you've done (or think you've done) and make you feel better. Also, since you mentioned anger, I think you should take a look at the first section in this thread; expressing your emotions in a safe way can be a great help in beating self harm.

I hope this helped a bit. Take care.