Quote:
Originally Posted by alexsmiff
I am an emergency medical responder with a volunteer fire department in my area. Back in February I was coming home from my night class, and there was a wreck, so I stopped to see if I could help. It didn't look bad, so I did not properly prepare mentally for what I was going to see. He was trapped, and all I could do was ask what hurt. He said my chest louder and louder until he was screaming it, and he continued to scream until he was given meds. The young man would manage to sit up every now and then, and he would make eye contact with me, and with the way he looked at me I knew he wanted me to help him. I knew this young man; we went to school together. He passed away at the hospital. I have lost a lot of sleep over this and developed a severe case of anxiety. Any time I hear sirens or see the red or blue lights, I panic- my heart races, my chest feels tight, and I get short of breath. I have to pass the wreck site every time I leave my home which sets my emotions off. I have seen a councilor, but I haven't improved. If anything, I've gotten worse. To top it all off, I am an EMT student. I have even started to feel this way in class, and I don't know where to turn anymore. My grief is overtaking me.  |
I'm so sorry. My mom is a RN, and she was in a similar situation. She was in a Peebles one day when she heard a girl scream, "Help! My mom's having a heart attack!" My mom performed CPR on the girl's mother. The ambulance came. The mother died anyway. My mom was scarred from that. It shook her. She actually felt guilty. There was a sense of, "Did I do all I could do?"
I don't know if you do, but don't feel guilty. Situations like this happen, and sometimes it seems like what we did wasn't the right thing or wasn't enough. It doesn't seem to me like you're having trouble just grieving. I think you're having trouble because of the suddenness of the awful situation. I've known people who develop PTSD from stuff like this.
You may need more than just a counselor. If things get worse, really start seeking help. That's not easy. Even now, just thinking about it, my heart just aches. I just hope you don't feel any guilt. You need to get over any feelings like that. That will help the "grieving".
Get the support of your friends and family. Don't try and handle this alone. Be open about what you are feeling. It won't be easy getting over something like that. Moments like those do scar, and you'll probably always feel that. Things will get better, though.
