[Michy_Blackrose]

You've experienced a loss and are obviously going through an incredibly tough time. My condolences, and i'm here for you.

I can understand your need to find an outlet for your pain, and the temptation with that, but my advice instead, would be to get in touch with a grievance counsellor, and therapist besides that, in order to vent your difficult feelings and have some sort of support network in this tumultuous and painful time.

Do you feel you could reach out and do that? Do you have any other family to turn to who can support you in that?

You're never alone.

Michy.