[Kindred]

Hi there,

I'm sorry things are so difficult for you at the minute. However, know that you aren't alone, and we're always here to support and help you any way we can.

Recovery is by no means easy- I know. I'm not going to lie and say that this is going to be a walk in the park, because that wouldn't be very helpful. However, recovery is worth all the hard work. Imagine a day when you can go the full day without thinking or worrying about calories, or your weight or your body shape. Those days will come. And when they do come, they're fabulous- honestly. It feels fantastic. You can go out and have a good time without that little voice in your head telling you that you aren't good enough. Trust me, you ARE good enough. Those thoughts aren't yours. They belong to this horrible disease that's trying to pull you down.

Whilst you were in treatment, did you receive any help for the mental side of things, like the way you think and your thought processes? Without your mental state changing, relapse is very likely- and it sounds like that's the path you may be heading down now. The way this illness works is that it never allows you to see yourself as you really are. Your eyes see images, then pass them onto the brain which interprets them. However, an anorexic's brain scrambles these images, so they can never actually see how they look: they just see an overweight person staring back at them- even if they're emaciated. You need to trust the eyes of those around you. The aim of treatment wasn't to make you fat, it was to make you healthy. Healthy, so you could live a long full happy life, without running the risk of your heart stopping at any given moment.

Recovery is worth it. Like you've found out, food really isn't optional. You either eat at home, eat in the hospital, eat through an NG tube, or die. There is no other way. Your parents will also be on red alert, so as soon as they notice you aren't eating, it's likely you'll go straight back to your treatment plan. Which might not be a terrible thing, if your mind set hasn't changed. You need treatment for the mental side of things to ensure full recovery. How about having a quick word with your parents and telling them how you feel the urge to starve yourself? Like you said, it'll kill them seeing you fade away for a second time. They only want the best for you. If the situation was reversed, and one of them had this disease, would you just sit back and watch them starve?

You've done brilliantly so far. I know you can continue. It'll be hard, but you are strong. You can beat this illness, don't let it claim your life. You deserve to be happy, and you deserve to be well again. Please don't be scared of recovery. All everyone wants to do is help you.

We're always here for you. If you ever need anyone to talk to, I'm here. Take care,

~Laura