[Storyteller.]

Raise your glass; we have incorporated.
Place your bets - we're all so sick of waiting.
Queen takes jack. You got me this time
but I'll get you back, so pick a number.

To all the ones who tried the most,
was I supposed to cheer your efforts?
Sorry that I chose so poorly.
Golly gee, am I the poster girl?

She's the kind of girl who looks for
love in all the lonely places,
the kind who comes to poker
pockets stuffed with kings and aces.
She's the kind of girl who only
asks you over when its raining
just to make you lie there catching
water dripping from the ceiling...

To all the ones who thought they knew me
best, a test to prove your prowess -
who was mine in '99?
I want last names and current status.
To all the ones who hated
me the most - a toast! -
you really had me going
for a second I was nervous.
Boy, am I the poster girl
for some suburban sickness?
Better keep a healthy distance.
Now it's up to you know what to do,
it's pretty dirty business.