[VermillionKitsune]

I'm going to have to agree with the few people on here who have said that what you're doing could/would be considered cutting or at the very least self-harm. It began for me in a similar way, I started poking my fingertips with the glass of a broken Christmas ornament to make them bleed, and it progressed to very deep cutting all over my body. I don't know you at all, but I will admit that for me at least, this behavior very quickly became addictive, and I started using it almost immediately as a crutch for any negative situations I had to go through, or even just mildly bad feelings.

Like the other responses I read, I am curious if anything has changed recently for you, or if you've been noticing a progression over time of feelings that have even an echo of making you want to do this. I'm glad that you yourself are seeking out answers as to why you might be deciding to do these things, and I wish I could be of more help, but honestly, I still have no idea why I had begun to do it myself.

I agree that in the years to follow, I can recognize in myself that it has been a way to numb myself to situations or as a way to relieve myself or intense emotions. Like any other addictive behavior, maybe it would be easier to quit in the beginning, but honestly, I'm unsure.

I can definitely empathize with you for sure, though, you're not alone in that, and I as well, would be willing to help you explore what you're going through and you have my full support. Self-harm isn't something I would wish upon anyone, and I hope you can find your way through this.

-Suki