[Coffee.]

Lynds,

eating disorder 
noun
any of various disorders characterized by severe disturbances in eating habits.

There's no particular height, weight, BMI, or any other requirement for an eating disorder. An eating disorder means disturbances in your eating, and the starving and binging? Disturbances. Eating disorders are often caused by low self esteem and body hatred. It doesn't matter the race, gender, or any particular amounts of weight. An eating disorder is an eating disorder, and no matter what type, from the DSMIV diagnosable ones, to the EDNOS and ones not in the manual, eating disorders are eating disorders, and they are just as serious.

Recovery is fucking scary. There is no way around that. You have to completely change everything you do, the way you think, the way you see, and that wonderful comfort bubble you've been living in for so many years because it's much easier to be there than in the real world? It has to stop. You have to stop compromising reality to make it so that everything is your fault, and that if you were thin, things would be better. Your weight has nothing to do with the other problems you are facing, or how you are viewing yourself. If you were to lose the amount of weight to get to your goal weight, you wouldn't be happy with it, and you have to admit that. All of us suffering with eating issues have lost weight before, a good amount, and thought well just this much more. It never ends, it's a horrible cycle, and sadly, even how miserable we are in it, it's comfortable.

You've probably seen me use this example quite a few times in the forums, so I apologize, but it's my favorite to be able to show the "comfortable" concept. Imagine that you are drowning in the ocean, and your eating disorder is your raft. The raft has holes all through it, and it's barely holding you up, but to you, it's keeping you alive. Now, recovery is a helicopter, and it's dangling a ladder above you, and to reach it, you're going to have to let go of everything that is keeping you afloat and risk falling off and drowning. It seems crazy, why in gods name would I let go of something keeping me alive in order to almost kill myself and drown? Well, if you get on that helicopter, it will take you home, and you won't be drowning anymore. If you fight your way to that ladder, you won't have to fight anymore. Sure, you're going to have bad days in recovery, but your worst day in recovery will be better than your best day suffering.

If you are suffering, you should get yourself help darling. Did you ever start seeing another counselor? I think this is something you need to bring up to them. You are hurting yourself, you are hurting the people around you, and are you happy? Before you answer that, would you be writing in WWSD if you were happy? No. You need to get out of this rut love. Do what is best for you, do what is HEALTHY for you. You deserve it! You are a beautiful girl, every pound of you. FUCK WHAT IS IN THE MAGAZINES, FUCK WHAT YOU SEE ON THOSE THINSPO WEBSITES. Those are half the time photoshopped and ridiculous. Stop reading those, and look around to the real world, what real women are suppose to look like, what HEALTHY women are supposed to look like. Eat well, fuel your body, and make it happy, that is what is keeping you alive and you should treat it with respect and love.

I'm here for you love, we all are!