[Laurasaurus]

I need to take a step back, and stop trying to do everything that I'm trying to do. I can't keep going on like this, because I know that its running me down, physically and emotionally. I don't need that with all the other things that I struggle with. I can't keep focusing on all these other people when I'm having problems too. I'm losing myself. I've lost myself. Thats one of the reasons that I haven't been on Live Help lately.
I've had more breakdowns over the past couple days than I can count both hands, and its bad. I know its bad. And the way I feel...its not NORMAL. I'm different than everyone else. If I told anybody, they would see me like I'm broken. Like I need to be fixed. Like I'm a freak. I would become more of an outcast, and I would be bullied by everyone more. I don't need to be put through more abuse, but I can't keep living like this. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place.
I can't live with my brother and mother anymore, that much is clear. Not with what he's threatening, and not with what she does. It makes everything worse, and I've gone from being cut free-ish to SHing almost nightly, because of little things that push me over the edge. I'm tired of being a loaded gun, something that people watch (or at least should) out for and tip-toe around. I want to be that happy little girl again. One that didn't realize that something was different about her, or at least didn't care.

I don't think I like who I've become.
My brother says that I don't care about others, that I'm psycho, that I'm a rude slutty bitch who deserves to die...
What if he's right?
On second thought, I don't think I even want to know.