[Storyteller.]

Hey.

It's perfectly natural to miss it, especially after so long. Urges never completely go away, but you can learn to overcome them - as I'm sure you know. Now is no exception. Just keep fighting, like you've been fighting this whole time.

If you feel like you're drifting away from your friends, fix it, instead of taking it out on yourself. Organise something with them. Spend time with them, and get closer to them, so you won't feel as lonely. As for being unable to study, try to take some time out now to relax. Have a bubble bath, go for a walk, read a book. Try to take your mind off things, so you can feel better and then focus on studying.

You put your finger on something important - your irrational fear. You know, logically, that people will come to your birthday party. Just try to have faith that they will. They care about you, and will want to spend time with you. If you think you're going to be depressed if you're not doing anything, then do something. It's okay to do things by yourself sometimes - so watch your favourite movie, or go buy yourself something nice. You deserve to have a little fun.

Remember that there's a difference between thoughts and actions. You want to hurt yourself, but that doesn't mean you have to. You can get through this without it, and feel better for it. Think of how far you've come. You should feel proud; you've come a long way.

Take care, and stay safe.