[nicky1]

Originally Posted by Santa

Yikes.... controlling? Maybe that's part of your issue. YOU CAN'T CONTROL HER THOUGHTS.

Perhaps you need to simmer down a little. She told you and that's that. Worth ruining a relationship over? No. Worth venting about to us? Sure! I'm sorry this bothers you. It must be hard. BUT, in the grand scheme of things, you've got a rockin' girlfriend. Everytime you get pissed off... just imagine a fantastic time you've had with her instead.

As for me "being a genius" I'm definitely not. I'm just imagining how she must be feeling... and she wants a release, so she tells the person she trusts most. Someone she finds comforting. Which happened to be you.

I know that's my issue But I can't help it, that's the way I am and the way I (and her as well) were brought up. It (some strange behaviour patterns like controlling and being extremely sensitive to things like this) is also a sort of a cultural thing we were taught. [Edited] we both have the same ethic codes wired in our heads which you may find strange. [Edited] we still keep the same values our families had. This is one example of consequences of having such values. It's not like it is bothering only me. It is bothering her as well. When I unintentionally look at someone of the opposite sex she also gets a bit angry. When she finds someone attractive I'm sure (and she said that too) she actually feels guilty.

Yeah you are right, and I don't just think about the fantastic time we had - I also think about fantastic life ahead of us which is to come. And it makes me feel happy and very secure when I think about it that way, and it makes things like this unimportant. Although, I just know I will get angry again if she mentions it again. Don't want to, but can't help it.

Yes, you are right. I know, and the fact she tells me things like this proves, that she trusts me most, and I will appreciate it from now on and not complain

Thank you so much

Originally Posted by ShimmeringFaerie

I think that in a way, you are overreacting. We can't control our dreams, and we can't completely control our thoughts either. However, we can control what we say and I think it was very disrespectful for your girlfriend to tell you what she was thinking. I can't imagine anyone thinking that their partner would be happy to hear them say that they found their friends attractive or that they had a dream about having sex with someone else, so I can't understand why your girlfriend thought it was a good idea to tell you this. If she feels guilty about her feelings... Well, that is her issue. It was not fair for her to make you feel bad in order to make herself feel better.

Honesty is good in a relationship. But there is always a limit, and I don't think honesty is a good thing if it is going to hurt someone else unnecessarily. Which is what happened here. You didn't need to know that your girlfriend has feelings for other people, it was clearly only going to hurt you, so it was completely unnecessary and actually rather mean for her to say it.

If it was me, I would talk to her about my line between good honesty and too much honesty. I actually do talk to my fiance regularly about the things I want to know and the things I don't want to or don't need to know. That way, I know that he is being honest with me when it is important to me and he doesn't stress about what he should or shouldn't tell me. I think that if you and your girlfriend discuss when things should or should not be said, then you probably won't have this problem again.

Well I think I also overreacted a bit when I think about it after having some sleep, because after all, she didn't say she had feelings for them (in fact, I know for sure that she really doesn't like at all the guy in her dream, he is honestly faaaaaaaaar away from being attractive by anyone's standards). And for the other one, I really think it just crossed her mind, but she felt guilty about it and had to tell me.

Anyway, I'm sure she wouldn't trade me for any of them, so I really have no reason to torment myself with stupid thoughts.

Well you got that one - too much honesty is really not that good, if it is about such unimportant yet touchy subjects. That's why I never talk with her that way (like mentioning this or that girl is attractive), and because I understand that, I was so surprised she insists on not just annoying me once, but repeating that several times. But I guess she thinks it's a good thing, she doesn't intentionally say that to make me feel bad.