Quote:
Originally Posted by Maeve
I was the girl in this equation at one point and I was so ticked off at my boyfriend. I didn't see why he didn't want me to be honest with him. I found his friends and others attractive, and told him so. He got very angry with me, especially when it came to dreams. (Frankly, I don't understand. It was my physical attraction to him that made me ask him out in the first place and I was going out with him so why should he be threatened.) It sucked majorly to censor myself to keep him from getting angry about a part of myself that I felt I could not control.
I'm glad that on a logical level you seem to get that you shouldn't be so upset.
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I completely know and
understand the feelings she has and probably the feelings you had at that moment. But I just can't help it, what I
feel is just horrible. I try to let it go, but I can't, especially if she reminds me every other month, with different dream of attraction.
But I just don't understand why would you for example
think (I don't mean you see someone and just think for a moment that he is cute, but ACTUALLY THINK) about other guys, if you have all your needs met in a relationship.
I would accept her finding someone attractive on subconcious level (like what I mentioned just for a brief moment, or maybe even during dreams), but I don't understand conscious thinking about attractivness of other guys. Why on earth should she think about their attractivness intentionally if I give her everything (and I literally mean EVERYTHING she wants).
The main problem here I see is that I believe she has at least some control over it, and that's probably the thing which bothers me most.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Santa
Tell her you can understand her finding other guys attractive, but because it's your friend and she's been pretty vocal about it, you'd appreciate it if she stopped mentioning it. Explain that you can still have an honest and committed relationship without having to tell the other EVERY single thought that enters their head. To be honest, she might be telling you for a reason. Maybe it makes her feel better. *shrug* I'd talk to her about it. And then set it behind you guys.
You've been together for 3.5 years... remind her that she's allowed to leave if she's lost interest, but to be honest, I think she would have brought this topic up differently if she wasn't extremely loyal and honest and wanted to be with you. You're a lucky dude, even though this is emotionally hard for you right now.
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Hey, but now the problem is that I won't appreciate it if she just stops mentioning it now. She has "planted a seed" now, and even if she doesn't mention it, I (hope I won't but more probably) will think she still thinks that but is just not honest now. She shouldn't have told me in the first place, because I was clueless about it, it would never bother me that way.
Santa, you are genius! - "
Maybe it makes her feel better" - that is exactly what she said- her words, when we talked about it. She said she tells me that because it makes her feel very guilty what she feels sometimes, and it makes her feel much better when she is honest.
Oh don't say such things, I am supersticious 
Of course she hasn't lost interest - I'd feel that. Neither will she, I don't want to brag, but other than being very jelaous and controlling I am an excellent catch in every other aspect, and she knows it And I make her feel loved all the time, and don't intend to stop doing so ever. 
I know I am lucky - I know it is so rare and precious to find someone so sincere, and loving I really feel that. And I really feel from deep inside my heart we could make it work forever like this - we were just perfect match in everything. I always bear in mind I could hardly find someone so special ever again. Which is exactly why I want to solve this issue with myself and let it behind us for our sake