[cole11]

so here's a bit of background.. i've been smoking weed on a daily basis for a good year and a half now, and prior to that i was dependent on alcohol for a good 6 months. i smoke around an eighth a day and whenever i can't get hold of it i start to go crazy; usually i end up substituting the green with booze. however in the last couple of months i've started using coke and meth more and have started to become fixated with e's in the last week. i know i'm out of control and i've got a problem and i wanna fix up.. but how can i when i don't know the real reason im using so frequently?

all the substance use started a good 2 years ago when i got out of a veryyy fuked up relationship. but so much time has passed, i dont even see the girl anymore.. surely it is impossible to have anything to do with her? yet here i am, stilll doing the same thing! is it because i've got so used to it and see it as some sort of daily routine? i've spoken to friends and they think i have an addiction to weed.. i know on some level that they are correct, but it's not ABOUT the weed, its about the HIGH. for some unexplainable reason i can't seem to stay sober (whether it be drink, weed, pills or whatever) for longer than 24 hours without feeling like im either losing my mind or become distressed or depressed. my first thought when i wake is 'how am i gonna get fuked today?' ... my whole life seems to be centred on getting out of my face, and its only when im fuked that i feel in control of myself again.

so basically i guess what im asking is, firstly do you think i have a serious problem? i see it as an issue but at the same time i see no problem to how i live my life if it makes me happy? and secondly, is there a name for this kind of non-specific addiction? any advice is much appreciated.