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Re: Dirty Little Secrets. -
November 27th 2011, 03:09 AM
I don't want to do this anymore. I don't want to keep throwing up and starving myself. Nothing is happening anymore. I lost so much weight in the beginning, but now I'm stuck. And I'm still fat. I'm still so fat. I want someone to help me through this, I'm afraid. I'm so afraid. Jeans that were once tight are now loose but I'm still fat. I'm always so tired and so hungry, but I stay up all night and don't eat until at least five or six each night. If I eat at all. I've thrown up blood more than once. I didn't tonight. I threw up everything in my stomach and there wasn't any blood this time. I'm glad there wasn't, it scares me even more when there is. It isn't much blood, but I really hope it's from an irritated throat and not from my stomach. I want help. I really want help, I want to stop before I end up killing myself. I don't want to die. I want help, but if I let anyone know they'll send me to a hospital and Carmen wouldn't understand. She couldn't understand, she was so upset when I was absent for one day. She's very autistic, everyone is so mean to her. She told me that I'm her sister. I can't leave her like that. I just can't.
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