Quote:
Originally Posted by Marguerite
The second thing is that my life was never really that bad to warrant killing myself. I certainly never went through anything you described (other than one thing which I'll talk about in a second). It wasn't about the things that happened to me, it was just about how I felt. I just felt so hopeless all the time, like I didn't have a future so there was no point trying to live. I'm actually pretty good in bad situations.
|
I've always viewed, probably from some family members, when shit goes down, it's interesting and I like interesting. So if I get stuck in a bad position, I may feel bad about it but that feeling is muted by my want for something interesting and in an odd way, to explore that bad situation. A recent example is last year I was out of university for about a month because I was too ill to come to class. I had a fever around 38C/100F but for several days, it went to 40C/104F, with the highest being 42.5C/108.5F to just shy of 43C/109F for a few days. I'm not sure what exactly happened because I couldn't remember large segments of time, much less walk, in fact the only parts I remember were being given ice packs or ice bath while in the hospital. When it was lower and I was puking my guts out (couldn't even hold down water I drank), it sucked donkey dick but at the same time, I thought it was pretty interesting because it didn't happen to me before and it was a fairly exciting experience. The doctors kept thinking it was weird because I kept asking what they were doing to learn about it.
I didn't reject my parents' sympathy but they could not provide any more help since they're not doctors so I wanted them out of the way for the time being, although afterward we all went home as a big happy family.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Marguerite
The one you described with your grandmother resonates with me because my grandfather died earlier this year after a long and drawn out illness.
|
My grandmother's funeral was pretty different for me, it was probably the best one I went to. It was a wake so after one of my older cousins and I said our good-byes to her, we went downstairs and started playing cards, laughing and joking around. That didn't go so well with other family members but since our family is huge and many flew in from elsewhere, I didn't even know their names so I thought they were a stranger who was grieving about someone else. We went back upstairs, stood around for a bit and started whispering and laughing to each other. After talking with family members who I met for the first time that day, I realized my cousin wasn't there so after wondering around, I found him flirting with one of the embalmers. I felt jealous but she had an assistant, so by the time the funeral was over, my cousin and I went partying (we had regular clothes in the car because we were planning on doing something fun anyway). A few other people joined us so overall, it was an amazing funeral.
The only other funeral I was at for a family member who had a long drawn out illness was one of my uncles. I didn't want to go because when he was alive, I couldn't stand being around him, many times I wanted to drive my fist through his head and if I didn't like him in life, there's no point seeing him in death. The only good thing about him was he was wealthy and whenever it came to presents, he knew my favourite gift (everyone in my family does), and he often would give me money for something after I gave a bullshit story. Eventually I went simply because it was either that or mundane school work. On the other hand, several of my cousins, including the one mentioned above were there, so we left early (they said their good-byes, I didn't).
Quote:
Originally Posted by Marguerite
Also this detail might be irrelevent but it was a radio, not a toaster. Not sure why I said toaster, I think I've been watching too many horror movies. You know, suprisingly enough it doesn't do anything like in the movies  . Who would have thought? |
That's understandable, you wanted some music with your shower but the radio fell and that was that.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Marguerite
I know what you said, I just think that responding 'everyone is illogical irrational' to the statement that ten year olds are illogical and irrational by nature while true is downplaying how much more illogical and irrational children are compared to adults.
|
We're saying the same thing so this part has boiled down to mere semantics for me.