[amystery]

I want to be a better person for you then I have been. Most days I don't feel like I deserve to be with you and to be honest I don't think I do. I treat you like shit and yet you stick around for some reason. I know I sit here and I say that I want to be a better person but what kind of person does it make me if I don't actually change anything. Actions speak a whole lot louder then words and my actions are speaking volumes about the kind if person Ive been to you. (unfortunately not in a good way) Part of me still thinks you are going to leave...and part of me thinks that after everything i put you through you should leave. I'm living a double life and its not fair to you. You tell the world about me but yet I've only told my best friend and people online. For fuck sakes I lied about you to people.. :| I don't know if I can ever even begin to fix all the shit I've put you through and it scares me to think that way.