Sooo in my absence from here I've been using OTC (over the counter)s. But I've managed to kick the other bad habits I used to have, it's just these little pills now.
Now, I tell myself I'm not addicted because they aren't the type of drug that's habit forming(if I was to look outside of this as if it were another person, I'd say it was a problem. But it's me so it's different, does that make sense?). But I've had my ever-helpful guidance counsellor tell me that I am in his kind way of saying it indirectly. And my social worker. I was taking them fairly often, and my parents found out and took what I had away. Two days later I was experiencing what was explained to me as 'withdrawl'. I laughed and shook it off, research claimed that the OTC I was using didn't have that.
I went 5 or so days before I got more. I couldn't stand the pain I was in and had to use again. And all the emotions and problems I was blocking out were hitting me hard and causing major anxiety that I never had before in such a degree. It's like I need them to control my problems, and when I think about giving them up or asking someone for help, it's an overwhelming feeling of doing a large dose so I can just forget everything. Hate them, don't get me wrong. I'm in no way enjoying them (save for maybe the first half hour of the high feeling, and they last about 8-12 hours) and I can't explain as to why I still use them.
I guess I'm just looking for advice. I can feel the personality switch starting in me, people point out the visible changes in me. I would ask for the help, but to be honest I'm afraid of having to go back into a hospital. I don't want my parents mad at me, and I don't want to miss school agan. I really don't know what to do with myself and this crap I'm taking.
Anything is appreciated, and thanks for reading.
