|
Re: Say something you wish you could say to their face. -
September 28th 2011, 11:38 PM
I told you that if you knew what I was thinking you'd become upset but still you insisted that I let you know. So I told you, I was right. You freaked. You were so upset and I told you that you would be. I told you that telling you would hurt more than it'll help. Now you're flipping out. Now you want to call someone who will take the razor from me. I told you I can figure it out, I'm working on it. And you've set a deadline for me.
But you know what Naomi? You live two hours away from me. You aren't around to see my cuts. You can't know if I throw my razor away. I can lie and you'd never be the wiser.
It pays to be an actress.
I read the definition for bulimia nervousa out of a mental health book in the library today. I read what the average victims are and how they behave. I fit it. I fit every single thing. There are days when I wake up and I'm fine. I don't feel the need to throw up. Other days I wake up and if I eat anything I know that I'll be sticking my finger down my throat soon after. I almost started crying in the middle of study hall. Right under the section for bulimia it had in big letters "PROFESSIONAL HELP NEEDED". I was an idiot, I looked up self-harm in the book too. And again, everything, everything they put. Every warning sign and reason. Every excuse they said one might use, I've used. Everything. And again I saw "PROFESSIONAL HELP NEEDED". There was more I wanted to look up, but I made myself but the book away before I started to cry.
I'm disgusted with myself.
Last edited by DeletedAccount39; September 28th 2011 at 11:44 PM.
|