[horselove66]

i feel like it's my fault. i was constantly being asked out by guys. (i still do) and i'm sick of it. i'm more popular then some kids at my school, and i did flirt with chris. but after we started dating i told him about losing my virginity and he acted so upset and sorry for me. and he said he would never do that. and i was stupid enough to trust him.

i don't feel like i can trust anybody again. i'm having a hard time trusting shawn even. and i've known him since is was a baby. i'm just scared i'm going to get hurt again. i told shawn i'm done with having sex and he ""says"" he repspects that, but i'm not sure. what if he dumps me because i won't sleep with him. that's really the least of my worries right know though. i'm just trying to figure out how i'm going to live and how i'm going to survive the next 5-6 months before the baby is born. i want my baby. i'm not going to live with regrets and give it up for adoption or abort it. those aren't options. even if it IS chris's child. it's not the babies fault. it's MY fault. i deserve to be raped. i deserve for this to happen to me. i'm such a horrible person. i hate myself. i'm not ready to be a mom. i'll make a horrible mom.

my parents are so mad and they blame me. they told me i was a disgrace and a horrible example.

oh? guess what, chris just sent me a text telling me he's **so** sorry and he'd like to talk with me. yeah right.