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Re: Was I raped or just dumb -
August 29th 2011, 08:14 AM
okay well i think it would be kind of like rape or some kind of sexual abuse. by the sounds of it you were drugged so you obviously had no controll over it at all. and the whole texting thing... it could kind of say that you wanted it with him, but on the other hand you just were not ready. when you said no to him before he should have accepted the fact you were not ready. that is also probably why he drugged you, so that even if you weren't ready to do any of it, you wouldn't be able to say no. and i can also relate. one of my ex's and i would text really dirty things that i regret sooooo badly! and then at school when nobody was looking he would touch me  . i know how you feel about it all. the one day he had acually raped me !
and from any realationship it takes a while to move on from. it's just taking longer for you because you really loved him and had really strong feelings for him. the best way to move on his make new friends, hang out with the friends you allready have, have fun, keep reminding yourself the things you love about yourself, do something you really like to do and havent been able to do in a while.. stuff like that should help. it helps me and a lot of other people. also just talking about it sometimes and getting your feelings out can really help. 
and you should never feel stupid, you regret what you have done but what's done is done, it's okay to move on, it will be a bad memory... but maybe it's a lesson learned. and you don't call yourself a dirty slut  ... it wasn't your fault this happened.
i don't think god punished you in any way. i think that he was trying to teach you a lesson of some sort and you just haven't found out what you learn from all of this yet. i know that for me and how many times i was sexually assulted, i can still smile and say "i'm okay". i am emotionally hurt, and it is a long process on how to feel better and open up to people again. for me personally it made me stronger, and it made me realize that people arent exactly how they seem. maybe god was just trying to tell you the same thing.
bottom line is... i'm only 13, i dont know for sure if this would be rape but i am pretty sure it would be. you should tell a parent or someone close to you or even the police just to try and see if they can help a little bit. and none of this was your fault, you just simply weren't ready to have sex with him and he didn't respect that, and that was very wrong of him.
if you ever need to talk message me!! 
btw: sorry for such a long reply lol
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